Homework Hand-holding: Disability or Dependency?

http://www.njfamily.com/NJ-Family/May-2012/Homework-Hand-holding-Disability-or-Dependency/

Matthew’s homework habits are a puzzle to his parents. He sits at his desk for hours, seemingly working but accomplishing little. It’s only when his mother or father sits with him that he perks up and things begin to click. His teacher reports a similar pattern in school.

Matthew’s parents aren’t sure what to make of this. Is he showing signs of a learning problem, or is he trying to get someone to ease his frustration?

Answering these questions can be a challenge for parents, but fortunately they have the benefit of some useful information sources. A learning disability, namely a specific problem in acquiring information resulting in academic deficiencies, may be evident from:

  • Reviewing your child’s standardized test scores.
  • Examining his classroom work.
  • Working with him on homework.
  • The teacher’s perspective. This is perhaps the most important source, because the teacher will have a keen sense of how your child’s skills compare with those of his classmates.

1. A dependent learnerAfter reviewing this data, you may conclude that your child doesn’t have a learning disability, but rather is a dependent learner, one who’s only motivated to work when an adult sits with him. This may reflect his lack of confidence or low tolerance for frustration. He may elicit your or the teacher’s attention by sending an SOS, which may take the form of putting his head down, slamming down his book, or doodling on his paper.

If this is so, fight the impulse to rescue him from difficult assignments. Giving your child answers or completing his work conveys your lack of confidence in him. Self-confidence wanes; dependency grows. In addition, the teacher may get a false picture of your child’s strengths and weaknesses.

In short, is the problem one of disability or dependency?Does this mean you should be uninvolved in your child’s homework? No. Supervising homework is an important way to promote school success. But supervising doesn’t mean always being by his side. Think of yourself as a resource, able to help if needed, but otherwise letting your child handle the assignment. Give clues or pose leading questions rather than providing answers.

2. Learning problemsOn the other hand, your work with your child may intensify your concerns that he has a learning problem. He may:

  • Struggle to understand homework.
  • Not retain material from one day to the next.
  • Have trouble focusing.
  • Fail tests regularly.
  • Misunderstand directions.

If you see a pattern of these problems, consider requesting an evaluation by your school to determine if your child has a learning disability. In New Jersey, a Child Study Team performs this evaluation. Every school district in the state has such a team. You may also consider a private evaluation.

by DR. KENNETH SHORE
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Julie C.
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"My teenage son had been seeing Dr. Matheis through his senior year of high school, as he was only diagnosed with ADHD at 16 years old.  Dr. Matheis came highly recommended from our pediatrician and she has done wonders for our son as well as our family, navigating new ways for him to deal with his diagnosis without the use of medication.  She taught him ways to organize himself and even when something did not work for him, she patiently continued teaching him new ways to keep himself on track.  She has also helped us as parents to understand how his mind works so that we did not continue to blame his lack of focus on him, rather on his unique way of thinking.  Thank you Dr. Matheis!!!!"
- LG
"Dr. Liz is the best! Our family was directed to her by our Pediatrician to assist with figuring out severe mood changes, severe anxiety, strange new fears and food aversion that had come onto one of our children literally overnight. After just a couple of visits, she suggested that the issues may actually be rooted in a physical issue and suggested we immediately take our child to be swabbed for strep, because Dr. Liz suspected PANDAS (a pediatric autoimmune disorder brought on by strep). The same Pediatrician that suggested Dr. Liz would not do the swab (they do not believe in PANDAS and we no longer go there) but I took my child to my doctor who did the swab and it was positive for strep. When our child went on antibiotics, within 24 hours all symptoms went away and our child was back :-) Dr. Liz then recommended a PANDAS specialist who helped us and our child is in complete remission and is happy and healthy. We are incredibly grateful to Dr. Liz for her knowledge of all things, even the most remote and unusual and for helping us so much! Thank you!"
- Anonymous
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Anonymous
"Thank you, Dr. Liz. Although we have told you countless times, it will never feel enough. You have listened when J could barely speak and continued to listen when he was sad, angry and confused. You've challenged him and directed us in our roles as parents. You've helped J face his fears while the list evolved and changed, and yet you've stayed committed to 'the course.' We pray that your children realize that time away from them is spent helping children learn and that vulnerability is a sign of strength and bravery."
- June I
"My son was admitted to an Ivy League school when only 2 years ago, you assessed him and saw his struggles, his Dyslexia. We are grateful that he no longer has to carry that deep feeling of inadequacy or shame that must have kept him so self conscious and from reaching his potential. He has the PERFECT program for him. He has A's in high math and economics. He became a Merit Scholar, a Boys State legislature, the HEAD captain of the football team and help a job ALL while studying and managing his classes and disability. I am PROUD of you, a young doctor, who knows and sees the vulnerability of children and helps them recognize "it's NO big deal" God bless."
- Anonymous

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