Parent Power: Fierce Love, Impossible Work

Published on ADDitudeMag.com

Your job is greater than you ever expected and more taxing than anyone knows. Some days you just want to give up… but you go on loving your ADHD child in the face of all the adversity and nasty comments.” – Dr. Ned Hallowell

I have ADHD, as does my daughter and one of my sons. If you have a child diagnosed with the condition, it’s important to help him feel good about himself.In my daily practice, I see and treat kids with attention deficit disorder. Being with them usually makes me smile. They have a special something — a spark, a delightful quirk that they sometimes try to hide. I seek it out and try to nurture it.

You should do the same. Search for and promote your child’s strengths as you deal with his challenges. When your child feels good about who he is and what life has to offer, he will be happy and successful.
Our Challenges
It’s Hard WorkI’m not saying it’s easy. I don’t have to tell you how hard it is to raise a child who has ADHD. Here are a few things I find challenging:
> Asking, “How many times do I have to tell you?” and never getting an answer.
> Socks that migrate to the attic, basement, behind the washer, in the freezer, toilet, or car — everywhere but the dresser.
Homework without end. In your child’s mind, homework is some strange creature that seems to grow as she tries to cut it down to size. Your daughter works on it for three hours, then shows you what she’s done, which is almost nothing. When you scream, “Why didn’t you spend those three hours doing the homework you were supposed to do?” she looks at you and answers, honestly, “I don’t know.” That’s the truth. She doesn’t know. This makes you feel like going ballistic.
> Personal time zones. In the world of ADHD, there are only two time zones: now and not now. Test in a week? Not now.
> Teachers who don’t understand. After you think you’ve explained your child’s ADHD to them, they send home a note the next day, saying, “Joseph needs to pay more attention in class. Please urge him to do that.”
Our Mission
A Mystery to You — and OthersSometimes you don’t even understand your child’s behaviors. You can’t figure out why your daughter behaves in such an inconsistent, self-sabotaging way. How can she be prepared for a test the night before, only to forget everything when she takes it the next day?

Your mother certainly doesn’t understand. When you ask for help, her refrain is: “All he needs is discipline. You remember what I would do if you ever did that?” You do remember, and you shudder. You’re glad your mom isn’t in charge anymore.

Words such as structure, supervision, and persistence don’t begin to describe the task you have to tackle every day. Your job is greater than you ever expected and more taxing than anyone knows. Some days you just want to give up.

But you don’t, because it’s not in you to do that. You ask, “How long will this take?” It reminds me of the Supremes song, “You Can’t Hurry Love.” It’s especially true of the extraordinary kind of love parents give. You have to hang in there with your child, loving him in the face of adversity and the nasty comments you get from people you might otherwise like and admire.

It is hard to listen to some of the things people say about your child. You have to be careful how you respond, because you are trying to build bridges, not burn them. Still, it is tempting — and perhaps healthy — to do a little burning now and then for the sake of your child.

by Edward Hallowell, M.D.
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Julie C.
"Dr. Matheis has a remarkable ability to understand the unique needs of her patients and address them constructively. She builds strong, meaningful relationships with patients and their families, encouraging trust and collaboration. When working with my son who struggles with autism-related anxiety, she created an environment in which he was able to calm down and open up to her in ways I had not seen before. She was able to reach him and helped him work through his crisis/problem. Most importantly, she empowered him to move forward."
- N.L.
"Dr. Matheis is amazing. She has tremendous resources and loads of energy. She is not willing to accept anything less than the most effective results for her clients. She made me feel as if my son was her top priority throughout the entire process. I would, without reservation, give her my highest recommendations.  Thank you, Dr. Matheis!"
- Anonymous
"Dr. Matheis has an amazing ability to read kids and connect with them. She has been an invaluable resource for our family over the past several years and has helped us with everything from educational consulting, to uncovering diagnoses as well as family therapy. Working with Dr. Matheis never feels clinical and most importantly, our children love and trust her. We can not thank you enough Dr. Liz!"
- Anonymous
"My teenage son had been seeing Dr. Matheis through his senior year of high school, as he was only diagnosed with ADHD at 16 years old.  Dr. Matheis came highly recommended from our pediatrician and she has done wonders for our son as well as our family, navigating new ways for him to deal with his diagnosis without the use of medication.  She taught him ways to organize himself and even when something did not work for him, she patiently continued teaching him new ways to keep himself on track.  She has also helped us as parents to understand how his mind works so that we did not continue to blame his lack of focus on him, rather on his unique way of thinking.  Thank you Dr. Matheis!!!!"
- LG
"Dr. Liz is the best! Our family was directed to her by our Pediatrician to assist with figuring out severe mood changes, severe anxiety, strange new fears and food aversion that had come onto one of our children literally overnight. After just a couple of visits, she suggested that the issues may actually be rooted in a physical issue and suggested we immediately take our child to be swabbed for strep, because Dr. Liz suspected PANDAS (a pediatric autoimmune disorder brought on by strep). The same Pediatrician that suggested Dr. Liz would not do the swab (they do not believe in PANDAS and we no longer go there) but I took my child to my doctor who did the swab and it was positive for strep. When our child went on antibiotics, within 24 hours all symptoms went away and our child was back :-) Dr. Liz then recommended a PANDAS specialist who helped us and our child is in complete remission and is happy and healthy. We are incredibly grateful to Dr. Liz for her knowledge of all things, even the most remote and unusual and for helping us so much! Thank you!"
- Anonymous
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Anonymous
"Thank you, Dr. Liz. Although we have told you countless times, it will never feel enough. You have listened when J could barely speak and continued to listen when he was sad, angry and confused. You've challenged him and directed us in our roles as parents. You've helped J face his fears while the list evolved and changed, and yet you've stayed committed to 'the course.' We pray that your children realize that time away from them is spent helping children learn and that vulnerability is a sign of strength and bravery."
- June I
"My son was admitted to an Ivy League school when only 2 years ago, you assessed him and saw his struggles, his Dyslexia. We are grateful that he no longer has to carry that deep feeling of inadequacy or shame that must have kept him so self conscious and from reaching his potential. He has the PERFECT program for him. He has A's in high math and economics. He became a Merit Scholar, a Boys State legislature, the HEAD captain of the football team and help a job ALL while studying and managing his classes and disability. I am PROUD of you, a young doctor, who knows and sees the vulnerability of children and helps them recognize "it's NO big deal" God bless."
- Anonymous

Learn More About Dr. Liz!

Subscribe to our Mailing List
Psychological and Educational Consulting Logo

513 W Mt Pleasant Ave, Ste 212,
​Livingston, NJ 07039