Self Regulation – What’s That?

Picture this — Johnny is a second-grade student whose pencil just broke during math class. Some kids would react to this situation with little to no distress, getting up to sharpen their pencil before resuming their classwork. After hearing the snap of his pencil breaking, Johnny immediately begins crying hysterically and throws himself on the classroom floor. For a child who struggles with self-regulation, a broken pencil can trigger a huge meltdown as this seemingly insignificant event overwhelms him. An emotionally regulated child can adjust to the demands of an environment, a change in routine, and the roller coaster of emotions they may experience throughout the day. A child who struggles with emotional regulation cannot do these things. In fact, daily life tasks feel enormous.

Does this sound familiar? Do you have a child who is easily triggered and ends up in tears or even worse, screams, because their banana broke? Their cereal spilled? Or their backpack just isn’t zippering today?

Many parents come to us with the complaint that “my child has behavioral challenges” when this is a myriad of executive functioning skills that we need to identify and develop. We share with our parents, “No child wakes up each morning thinking, Today, I’m gonna be behavioral!” There is a deficit of skill(s) that we build to help our children to be able to handle life’s daily routine changes and mishaps.

What Is Self-Regulation?

In a recent article published by the Child Mind Institute, self-regulation is defined as “the ability to manage your emotions and behavior in accordance with the demands of the situation.” The article continues to share that self-regulation “is a set of skills that enables children, as they mature, to direct their own behavior towards a goal, despite the unpredictability of the world and our own feelings.” Instead of requiring an outside source of regulation, such as the prompting of a teacher or parent, a child who can self-regulate has enough self-awareness to utilize coping skills and appropriate problem solving techniques when they need them.

Who Needs Help with Self-Regulation?

Children with ADD/ADHD, anxiety, Autism spectrum disorders, Sensory processing disorders, trauma and more are more likely to struggle with self-regulation. There are also many children who may not face any of these challenges and still have a difficult time gaining control over their emotions. Learning and practicing different coping skills, as well as the importance of appropriately expressing emotions, helps these children with their self-regulation skills.

The “Zones of Regulation”
Occupational Therapist, Leah Kuyper, developed a wonderful framework that assists many children and teens with their self-regulation. The Zones of Regulation is a visually-interesting way to break down emotions by organizing them into four different zones, BlueGreen, Yellow and Red.

By discussing with children what the different zones mean, and what they specifically look like and feel like while in each different zone, you are assisting them in being able to identify and process their emotions. The Zones of Regulation can then be utilized to help children identify coping skills that can help them go from one zone to the next. For example, I like to ask children how they can get from the red zone to the yellow zone, or from the blue zone to the green zone.

Let me explain this a little bit – blue is the zone when a child is under-stimulated, lethargic, and just not feeling up to doing anything; green is the zone where you are self-regulated and feeling fine! Yellow where the child is beginning to feel out of control. Red is when you see, well, red! Red is the zone when we see our children screaming, crying, speaking negatively about a situation or themselves, or hitting.

We work with our kids to help them understand how their body feels when they are in each zone. Most importantly, we focus on how our children feel when they are in the yellow zone so that they can bring themselves back down to the green in an effort to avoid the red zone. Physical sensations often include becoming hot, clenching teeth, wanting to cry, stomach pains, feeling lightheaded, etc. These are the signs that the system is going to blow if we don’t back it up. Then, we focus on the things they can do to bring themselves back down to green.

In working with our kids, we realize that they don’t like to be in the red zone. They feel out of control. The goal is to help them realize that they can meet their needs by engaging an adult (parent, teacher, grandparent, etc) and asking/gesturing for what they need instead of yelling, deep breathing, walking away, etc.

Although it’s a fancy term, self-regulation is a complex skill that we can break down using the Zones of Regulation system to help our children to gain awareness of their bodily cues and learn skills to help them feel in control and in the green!

by Nicole Filiberti, LSW
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Julie C.
"Dr. Matheis has a remarkable ability to understand the unique needs of her patients and address them constructively. She builds strong, meaningful relationships with patients and their families, encouraging trust and collaboration. When working with my son who struggles with autism-related anxiety, she created an environment in which he was able to calm down and open up to her in ways I had not seen before. She was able to reach him and helped him work through his crisis/problem. Most importantly, she empowered him to move forward."
- N.L.
"Dr. Matheis is amazing. She has tremendous resources and loads of energy. She is not willing to accept anything less than the most effective results for her clients. She made me feel as if my son was her top priority throughout the entire process. I would, without reservation, give her my highest recommendations.  Thank you, Dr. Matheis!"
- Anonymous
"Dr. Matheis has an amazing ability to read kids and connect with them. She has been an invaluable resource for our family over the past several years and has helped us with everything from educational consulting, to uncovering diagnoses as well as family therapy. Working with Dr. Matheis never feels clinical and most importantly, our children love and trust her. We can not thank you enough Dr. Liz!"
- Anonymous
"My teenage son had been seeing Dr. Matheis through his senior year of high school, as he was only diagnosed with ADHD at 16 years old.  Dr. Matheis came highly recommended from our pediatrician and she has done wonders for our son as well as our family, navigating new ways for him to deal with his diagnosis without the use of medication.  She taught him ways to organize himself and even when something did not work for him, she patiently continued teaching him new ways to keep himself on track.  She has also helped us as parents to understand how his mind works so that we did not continue to blame his lack of focus on him, rather on his unique way of thinking.  Thank you Dr. Matheis!!!!"
- LG
"Dr. Liz is the best! Our family was directed to her by our Pediatrician to assist with figuring out severe mood changes, severe anxiety, strange new fears and food aversion that had come onto one of our children literally overnight. After just a couple of visits, she suggested that the issues may actually be rooted in a physical issue and suggested we immediately take our child to be swabbed for strep, because Dr. Liz suspected PANDAS (a pediatric autoimmune disorder brought on by strep). The same Pediatrician that suggested Dr. Liz would not do the swab (they do not believe in PANDAS and we no longer go there) but I took my child to my doctor who did the swab and it was positive for strep. When our child went on antibiotics, within 24 hours all symptoms went away and our child was back :-) Dr. Liz then recommended a PANDAS specialist who helped us and our child is in complete remission and is happy and healthy. We are incredibly grateful to Dr. Liz for her knowledge of all things, even the most remote and unusual and for helping us so much! Thank you!"
- Anonymous
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Anonymous
"Thank you, Dr. Liz. Although we have told you countless times, it will never feel enough. You have listened when J could barely speak and continued to listen when he was sad, angry and confused. You've challenged him and directed us in our roles as parents. You've helped J face his fears while the list evolved and changed, and yet you've stayed committed to 'the course.' We pray that your children realize that time away from them is spent helping children learn and that vulnerability is a sign of strength and bravery."
- June I
"My son was admitted to an Ivy League school when only 2 years ago, you assessed him and saw his struggles, his Dyslexia. We are grateful that he no longer has to carry that deep feeling of inadequacy or shame that must have kept him so self conscious and from reaching his potential. He has the PERFECT program for him. He has A's in high math and economics. He became a Merit Scholar, a Boys State legislature, the HEAD captain of the football team and help a job ALL while studying and managing his classes and disability. I am PROUD of you, a young doctor, who knows and sees the vulnerability of children and helps them recognize "it's NO big deal" God bless."
- Anonymous

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513 W Mt Pleasant Ave, Ste 212,
​Livingston, NJ 07039