What is your child trying to tell you?

Behavior is a very powerful form of communication…. especially for children who don’t have the awareness of how they are feeling and what they need in addition to the ability of translating all of that into a verbal message. There are some adults who still can’t verbalize how they feel or what they need! Kids speak in behaviors and not necessarily words.  Facial expressions, crying, stomping feet or even hair pulling are all ways that children try to tell us something. Traditionally, the old school way of handling negative behavior is to rely on punishment. However, we are now wise enough to know that punishment may work, but only for the short-term.  Besides, with punishment, you are giving a one sided message – don’t do this… but then what is your child supposed to do? Punishment also doesn’t allow you to get to the root of the problem and only results in additional or more complex behaviors moving forward. I prefer a positive behavioral support approach that allows you to understand why the child is behaving in a particular way, so that you can then begin to replace the behavior(s) with more appropriate or functional behaviors. So why do children act out? There are 4 functions of behavior: 1-   To gain attention 2-   To gain or avoid sensory feedback 3-   To gain a tangible 4-   To avoid or escape a task Function 1: To Gain Attention Children want your attention. They want to be valued and recognized. They want your positive attention more than they want your negative attention, but if they don’t get your positive attention, they’ll take what they can get. Function 2: To Gain or Avoid Sensory Feedback Children engage in behaviors, such as jumping off of a chair or high surface or running out of a loud room, in order to gain or avoid sensory feedback. Some children crave deep pressure or movement all day long. They engage in behaviors that will help them to satisfy that sensory need. For other children, they are unable to process large amounts of visual, auditory, or tactile information. As a result, they avoid activities or rooms that have too much visual stimulation or sound. Some children avoid certain activities, such as painting or playing with sand. Some also avoid certain textures of food. Function 3: To Gain a Tangible Children who engage in particular behaviors (e.g., tantruming) may be trying to communicate the need for a tangible. For example, I am hungry and I need food. Or, I am tired, and I need a bed or place to sleep.   You may also notice that some children engage in behaviors when they are denied access to a tangible, such as a toy. Function 4: To Avoid or Escape a Task Ever notice that one particular child cries or throws a tantrum when it’s craft time? Perhaps the activity calls for fine motor control (e.g., coloring or cutting) and the child doesn’t have the skill or the hand strength to be able to do this. Even activities that we believe are fun may be overwhelming to a child. For example, I observed a child respond to a teacher’s comment, “Come on, class. Stand in line if you want to go to the petting zoo!” She thought her comment was motivating to the class and would encourage them to stand in line. However, one student wouldn’t stand in line. In fact, he began to sing out loud and run around the class. He was looking to avoid the petting zoo – something about the petting zoo frightened him and he engaged in a negative behavior in order to avoid the seemingly positive class activity.  Who would have thought? The Power of ABCs Now that you know what some of the functions of behavior may be, it’s time to put on your detective hat and keep track of the behavior via an ABC Chart which is an antecedent-behavior-consequence chart (sample below). This will help you to see patterns of behavior so you can begin to gain an understanding of the function of the behavior. A Few Behavioral Strategies Model words and behaviors  – Give the child the words (e.g., “Help!”, “I need help,” “I can’t do this” ) and role model positive ways of behaving (eg., tap or say “excuse me” instead of hitting). Make accommodations  – If you have a fidgety or restless child on your hands, don’t try to make him/her sit still. Give him/her movement breaks often. In fact, give the child ‘jobs’ such as handing out paper or pushing in seats in the classroom. At home, let your child go outside and jump on the trampoline or run around the yard to release extra energy.

Reinforce – Make this your ‘tool’ of choice – praise when your child is showing  positive behavior, and praise the student often for specific things he/she does during the day.  You will most certainly catch more bees with honey than you will with vinegar. And make sure that your praise or rewards are immediate so that the child can begin to associate the positive behavior with the positive outcome (i.e., consequence). Ignore certain behaviors – Ignore negative behaviors, such as whining, crying, begging or demanding, while you are reinforcing the positive ones. Take it to School Understanding your child’s behaviors will be difficult at first, but once you understand that there is a function, a reason, something your child is trying to tell you, this will become easier for you. Remember to share your observations and your data collection with your child’s teachers so that there is continuity between school and home in terms of how your child’s behaviors are handled.  If you are using a certain system, see if your child’s teacher can adapt it in the classroom.  Why reinvent the wheel? Greater continuity means clear-cut expectations for your child, which in and of itself, can lead to a decrease in negative behaviors. In the interest of your better well-being, Dr. Liz
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Julie C.
"Dr. Matheis has a remarkable ability to understand the unique needs of her patients and address them constructively. She builds strong, meaningful relationships with patients and their families, encouraging trust and collaboration. When working with my son who struggles with autism-related anxiety, she created an environment in which he was able to calm down and open up to her in ways I had not seen before. She was able to reach him and helped him work through his crisis/problem. Most importantly, she empowered him to move forward."
- N.L.
"Dr. Matheis is amazing. She has tremendous resources and loads of energy. She is not willing to accept anything less than the most effective results for her clients. She made me feel as if my son was her top priority throughout the entire process. I would, without reservation, give her my highest recommendations.  Thank you, Dr. Matheis!"
- Anonymous
"Dr. Matheis has an amazing ability to read kids and connect with them. She has been an invaluable resource for our family over the past several years and has helped us with everything from educational consulting, to uncovering diagnoses as well as family therapy. Working with Dr. Matheis never feels clinical and most importantly, our children love and trust her. We can not thank you enough Dr. Liz!"
- Anonymous
"My teenage son had been seeing Dr. Matheis through his senior year of high school, as he was only diagnosed with ADHD at 16 years old.  Dr. Matheis came highly recommended from our pediatrician and she has done wonders for our son as well as our family, navigating new ways for him to deal with his diagnosis without the use of medication.  She taught him ways to organize himself and even when something did not work for him, she patiently continued teaching him new ways to keep himself on track.  She has also helped us as parents to understand how his mind works so that we did not continue to blame his lack of focus on him, rather on his unique way of thinking.  Thank you Dr. Matheis!!!!"
- LG
"Dr. Liz is the best! Our family was directed to her by our Pediatrician to assist with figuring out severe mood changes, severe anxiety, strange new fears and food aversion that had come onto one of our children literally overnight. After just a couple of visits, she suggested that the issues may actually be rooted in a physical issue and suggested we immediately take our child to be swabbed for strep, because Dr. Liz suspected PANDAS (a pediatric autoimmune disorder brought on by strep). The same Pediatrician that suggested Dr. Liz would not do the swab (they do not believe in PANDAS and we no longer go there) but I took my child to my doctor who did the swab and it was positive for strep. When our child went on antibiotics, within 24 hours all symptoms went away and our child was back :-) Dr. Liz then recommended a PANDAS specialist who helped us and our child is in complete remission and is happy and healthy. We are incredibly grateful to Dr. Liz for her knowledge of all things, even the most remote and unusual and for helping us so much! Thank you!"
- Anonymous
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Anonymous
"Thank you, Dr. Liz. Although we have told you countless times, it will never feel enough. You have listened when J could barely speak and continued to listen when he was sad, angry and confused. You've challenged him and directed us in our roles as parents. You've helped J face his fears while the list evolved and changed, and yet you've stayed committed to 'the course.' We pray that your children realize that time away from them is spent helping children learn and that vulnerability is a sign of strength and bravery."
- June I
"My son was admitted to an Ivy League school when only 2 years ago, you assessed him and saw his struggles, his Dyslexia. We are grateful that he no longer has to carry that deep feeling of inadequacy or shame that must have kept him so self conscious and from reaching his potential. He has the PERFECT program for him. He has A's in high math and economics. He became a Merit Scholar, a Boys State legislature, the HEAD captain of the football team and help a job ALL while studying and managing his classes and disability. I am PROUD of you, a young doctor, who knows and sees the vulnerability of children and helps them recognize "it's NO big deal" God bless."
- Anonymous

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513 W Mt Pleasant Ave, Ste 212,
​Livingston, NJ 07039