#YouWillBeFound: The Teen’s Pursuit to Fit in and Stand Out

Teens. We love our own dearly. They were once our babies who sat in our arms, fit on our chest, and fell asleep in our arms. When I look at my son, I hear his deep voice but all I see is that little boy who loved to play “mommy-saurus” with me and whose giggles made me giggle in return.

For his upcoming 13th birthday, my son asked to see the Broadway Show, “Dear Evan Hansen.” I didn’t know how hard this play was going to hit me. How much the battles of the characters were relevant to me, my son, and the teens that I work with professionally. With almost every scene, the tears just streamed down my face. Each character’s struggles were so real, so relevant, so raw, so honest!

The confusion and the overwhelm that comes with being a teen, trying to figure out who you are, fit in and stand out is real. It’s intense. It’s scary. Our children are practically born with a phone, iPod, IPad in hand and the amount of information they have available is immense, mind-blowing. Whether it’s access to political news, natural disasters, or school shootings, we, as their parents, don’t always have the choice of whether to share or not with our kids because it is all right there. And social media, oh, social media. Our kids know where their peers are, who they are with and what they were not a part of in almost the same minute that social gatherings and events are happening. FOMO (fear of missing out) is also real.

Do you remember how we found out when other kids made plans or had a party? We may have heard about it by chance Monday morning when others were talking about it. We found out about worldly or local events if we read them in the paper or happened to watch the news on TV (with a remote that was connected by a wire, and a TV screen that was not flat!)

Our kids also have access to so much information all the time. About everything, about anything. They don’t really have to seek it out; it’s all right there on social media, on apps on the phone. Let me share another one of my pet peeves. Remember when TV shows were on the television? Remember how we had to turn the TV on to watch the show? Well, my son is watching shows on his phone and IPAD and I’m finding out AFTER he’s seen them. Ugh…

During our kids’ pre-teen and teen years, there are some major changes that we are going to see and feel, as their parents. Let’s shed some light on these impending (or already here) changes, and how we can, as their parents, help out with sympathy, positivity and expressed love for them, even when they are not very loveable!

Photo from: Pexels

by Dr. Liz Matheis, Ph.D and Psychology Today
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Julie C.
"Dr. Matheis has a remarkable ability to understand the unique needs of her patients and address them constructively. She builds strong, meaningful relationships with patients and their families, encouraging trust and collaboration. When working with my son who struggles with autism-related anxiety, she created an environment in which he was able to calm down and open up to her in ways I had not seen before. She was able to reach him and helped him work through his crisis/problem. Most importantly, she empowered him to move forward."
- N.L.
"Dr. Matheis is amazing. She has tremendous resources and loads of energy. She is not willing to accept anything less than the most effective results for her clients. She made me feel as if my son was her top priority throughout the entire process. I would, without reservation, give her my highest recommendations.  Thank you, Dr. Matheis!"
- Anonymous
"Dr. Matheis has an amazing ability to read kids and connect with them. She has been an invaluable resource for our family over the past several years and has helped us with everything from educational consulting, to uncovering diagnoses as well as family therapy. Working with Dr. Matheis never feels clinical and most importantly, our children love and trust her. We can not thank you enough Dr. Liz!"
- Anonymous
"My teenage son had been seeing Dr. Matheis through his senior year of high school, as he was only diagnosed with ADHD at 16 years old.  Dr. Matheis came highly recommended from our pediatrician and she has done wonders for our son as well as our family, navigating new ways for him to deal with his diagnosis without the use of medication.  She taught him ways to organize himself and even when something did not work for him, she patiently continued teaching him new ways to keep himself on track.  She has also helped us as parents to understand how his mind works so that we did not continue to blame his lack of focus on him, rather on his unique way of thinking.  Thank you Dr. Matheis!!!!"
- LG
"Dr. Liz is the best! Our family was directed to her by our Pediatrician to assist with figuring out severe mood changes, severe anxiety, strange new fears and food aversion that had come onto one of our children literally overnight. After just a couple of visits, she suggested that the issues may actually be rooted in a physical issue and suggested we immediately take our child to be swabbed for strep, because Dr. Liz suspected PANDAS (a pediatric autoimmune disorder brought on by strep). The same Pediatrician that suggested Dr. Liz would not do the swab (they do not believe in PANDAS and we no longer go there) but I took my child to my doctor who did the swab and it was positive for strep. When our child went on antibiotics, within 24 hours all symptoms went away and our child was back :-) Dr. Liz then recommended a PANDAS specialist who helped us and our child is in complete remission and is happy and healthy. We are incredibly grateful to Dr. Liz for her knowledge of all things, even the most remote and unusual and for helping us so much! Thank you!"
- Anonymous
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Anonymous
"Thank you, Dr. Liz. Although we have told you countless times, it will never feel enough. You have listened when J could barely speak and continued to listen when he was sad, angry and confused. You've challenged him and directed us in our roles as parents. You've helped J face his fears while the list evolved and changed, and yet you've stayed committed to 'the course.' We pray that your children realize that time away from them is spent helping children learn and that vulnerability is a sign of strength and bravery."
- June I
"My son was admitted to an Ivy League school when only 2 years ago, you assessed him and saw his struggles, his Dyslexia. We are grateful that he no longer has to carry that deep feeling of inadequacy or shame that must have kept him so self conscious and from reaching his potential. He has the PERFECT program for him. He has A's in high math and economics. He became a Merit Scholar, a Boys State legislature, the HEAD captain of the football team and help a job ALL while studying and managing his classes and disability. I am PROUD of you, a young doctor, who knows and sees the vulnerability of children and helps them recognize "it's NO big deal" God bless."
- Anonymous

Learn More About Dr. Liz!

Subscribe to our Mailing List
Psychological and Educational Consulting Logo

513 W Mt Pleasant Ave, Ste 212,
​Livingston, NJ 07039