How Kids Get Overscheduled and Overstimulated
written by Dr. Liz Nissim, posted on Psychology Today
Kids today tend to be much busier than we were at their age. They participate in more scheduled and organized activities, not to mention the constant stimulation and never-ending stream of notifications that come from their phones. If you’re wondering why your children, teens, or young adults are exhausted, anxious, and struggling to regulate their emotions, there’s your answer.
As parents, many of us have gotten lost following the rationale that we are helping our children by building their resumes or keeping them on track and exposing them to every possible opportunity. But the truth is, we are contributing to their stress—and their struggles struggle to accept downtime and use it to quiet their minds. Kids can then turn into young adults who struggle to manage the daily demands of life and “melt” when it feels like too much to handle. So when we see our children struggle, we jump in and take over, so their stress can lessen. But what are we really teaching them when we do that? Bottom-lineadvice from me to you:
- Schedule your child for one activity per season.
- Hover less, do less, and ask more questions.
Isn’t “Downtime” Another Word for “Waste of Time”?
Actually, no. When our kids have moments of quiet or boredom, their brains start daydreaming—and daydreaming isn’t something we should stop. It’s actually a powerful tool that allows for brainstorming, problem-solving, imagination, and creativity. Remember when we would make up games during our “bored” times? Boredom still breeds self-entertainment, self-regulation, and autonomy.
Children who are constantly on the go—or glued to screens—don’t get the mental rest their developing brains need. All that physical and mental activity creates overstimulation from the inside out. Their nervous system remains activated and doesn’t learn how to downregulate. The outcome is anxious kids who are restless and become agitated when they don’t know what they’re doing. What else does that look like? Having a short attention span, mental exhaustion, and little energy to get the things that need to get done, like homework or daily routines.
Does Boredom and Downtime Create Resilience?
Resilience emerges from trying and not getting the outcome we want, and then trying again. It’s built on facing challenges and recovering from those challenges by picking back up and thinking about how to do it differently next time. When our kids have space to make mistakes, get bored, and figure things out on their own, they learn perseverance and problem-solving skills rather than the low frustration tolerance that we see when they don’t just “get it” or succeed on their first try. How many of your children have quit a sport or activity because they weren’t “good at it” but didn’t actually try to stick with it?