How to Talk to Your Kids About the Devastating Plane Crash in DC
posted on NJ Family Magazine
Wednesday night’s tragic plane crash over the Potomac near Reagan Washington National Airport is the deadliest U.S. air crash in nearly 24 years. There were no survivors in the mid-air collision between an American Airlines jet carrying 64 passengers, including a group of figure skaters returning from a development camp, and a U.S. Army Black Hawk helicopter which had 3 soldiers on board.
Chances are your children have heard the devastating news and may feel anxious, sad or even worried about their safety, especially if someone in your family is a frequent traveler or you fly as a family. We spoke with experts to understand how to address the news with your kids in a thoughtful, supportive way. Here’s what they shared:
Start by Listening to What They Know
“First and foremost, gauge how much your child knows,” says Liz Nissim, PhD, a clinical and school psychologist with Psychological and Educational Consulting in Livingston. “Don’t assume that your child understands what has fully happened. Listen to what your child has to say without interrupting, and without trying to correct or mitigate.”
Stacy Thiry, a Florida-based licensed mental health counselor at Grow Therapy, recommends asking open-ended questions like, “Have you heard about the plane crash?” or “How are you feeling about what happened?” This will help you understand what they’ve already heard and what’s on their mind, Thiry says.
Validate Their Feelings
It’s important to let kids know their feelings are completely natural, says Stephanie Marcello, Ph.D., Chief Psychologist at Rutgers University Behavioral Health Care. “Remind them you will be there whenever they need you…Be available, listen actively (stop whatever you are doing and be present, let them finish before you respond) and respond thoughtfully.” Validating their emotions and offering reassurance can help children feel supported.
Be a Calm Role Model
Children often look to adults for cues on how to respond to distressing events. Marcello advises parents to model calm and reassuring behavior. “Be careful not to have a super strong reaction, matter-of-fact approaches work best,” says Marcello, also Assistant Vice President, Academics, Integration and Innovation at Rutgers Behavioral Health Care. “Consider that children will learn based on watching the adults in their lives. How are you talking about the event or showing your own anxiety? From there we can provide age-appropriate information. We want to be careful if our child knows about the accident not to pretend it didn’t happen, which can make their anxiety worse.”
Reassure Them About Flying
If your child expresses concerns about flying, particularly if a family member frequently travels, providing factual reassurance can help. Thiry recommends emphasizing the rarity of plane crashes. “Remind them that plane crashes are very rare. Pilots, mechanics, and air traffic controllers work hard to make sure flying is safe,” she says.