How to Talk to Your Teen About Their Emotional Struggles
written by Dr. Liz Nissim, posted on Psychology Today
Mental health struggles in teens and young adults are more common than we realize, and they often remain invisible. It’s challenging to know how to start a conversation about mental health struggles, especially when a teen might feel embarrassed, overwhelmed, or just not ready to open up. If you’re a parent, teacher, or guardian looking to support a teen or child, here are three key points on how to talk about mental health in a way that creates connection and conversation, rather than creating distance and embarrassment
Listen Without Judgment
When you’re raising a teen, oftentimes, they just want to be heard. As parents, we often want to fix their problem and make it better, and we jump in with ideas of what to say or who to talk to. For our teens, this can make them feel judged and not heard. They feel like they did “something wrong” and can even feel embarrassed, which all leads to not talking to us, their parent, again in the future. Validate their experience and sympathize with their feelings, even if you don’t fully agree or understand their perspective. Say things like:
- I hear you.
- That sounds really tough.
- I’m sorry. This sounds really hard for you.
Don’t Push Too Hard
Speaking with your teen is an art and a dance. You’re trying to ask questions and gain information in a way that makes them feel in control of the flow of that information. How many times have you wanted to say (or said):
- Just tell me!
- Just talk to me!
- I know something is happening. Tell me what’s going on!
When we press too hard, our teens shut down and don’t share. Listen and create a comfortable space where your child can speak at their own pace, while you nod and show concern with your facial expressions and body language. If they’re not ready to talk, keep inviting conversation on their terms and time. Say something like:
Maybe you’re not ready to talk about this now. I’ll be downstairs. I’m ready to listen whenever you’re ready
Normalize Seeking Help
Even with all of the mental health awareness that is around us in schools and in our communities, teens can still struggle with the idea of being “different” or the “only one” who is struggling. What they don’t know is that they are part of a big club of teens who are struggling with anxiety, depression, learning struggles, attentional struggles, friendship struggles, etc. As parents, we can normalize speaking with a therapist, a school counselor, or a trusted family member. Offer to find a therapist and set up an appointment for your teen. If you, the parent, are in therapy, share this information with your teen so he doesn’t feel “different” and that it is “normal” to want to speak to an objective professional who can offer a neutral perspective and with whom your teen can problem solve together.
Our teens have more awareness and access to information now than we ever did as their parents. This social, political, or worldly information can create fear and overwhelm for them. With a little patience, respect, and empathy, you can create the space and time for your teen to share her thoughts, listen, validate, and offer professional support if your teen needs more support. Keep inviting your teen to talk about what’s on his or her mind to help build a healthy next generation of adults.