Parenting

Written by Michelle Molle-Krowiak

As of now, we have been homeschooling our children for a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks longer than we had anticipated. Homeschooling is overwhelming for many parents, like myself. As a mom of 4, with two younger children who need a good amount of support to complete their daily assignments, and as a working mom, this is beyond tough and anxiety-provoking.

If you’re like me, I had grand visions and plans for distance learning. I envisioned myself planning ahead and knowing exactly how to instruct on the different subjects. I’m not sure why I thought this as I don’t have training in education!  What I am finding is that I am in an endless battle with hours of daily screen time, while I try to work and instruct at the same time.

I have found a few great games and activities for you to engage in with your children from @BigLifeJournal (www.biglifejournal.com). I’ve broken down the suggestions into toddlers, early elementary and late elementary-aged children.

At the end of the day, please try to set your guilt aside as we are not trained to teach our children, and we certainly can’t expect to multi-task two very big demands. Be forgiving of yourself, try to avoid holding the expectation that you will be able to give your child the same number of hours of instruction as to when they were physically attending school. Your time is better invested in creating a schedule that builds in time for your child to engage in some screen time activities, downtime and non-screen/electronic activities, games, and crafts.

Toddlers

Animal Hide & Seek

• Either print pictures of animals and have your child color them, or take stuffed animals or figures of animals and hide them in the house.
• Give your child clues as to where they could be and go seek them out!

I Spy Clean Up Game

• Tell your child that you ‘spy with your little eye’ different categories of toys that may be lying on the floor in your playroom, family room, kitchen, bedrooms, or wherever and ask him to find those items and place in a labeled bucket so that finding that toy and putting it away is easy

Early Elementary

The Floor is Lava

• Declare that the floor is ‘lava’ and designate a few safe spots.
• Start the count down and once you hit 1, everyone’s feet must be off of the floor and on something else.

Balloon Toss

• Blow up a balloon and have your child or children try to keep the balloon in the air.
• If it touches the ground, the game is over.
• Count the number of times the balloon was hit before touching the ground

Late Elementary

Make a Fort

• Gather up pillows from your bed or the couch, or both, sheets, chairs and build a fort
• Watch a movie together while in the fort

Create an All About Me Board

• Give your child headings such as:
  • My Favorite Food
  • My Favorite Movie
  • My Favorite Vacation
  • My Favorite Book
• Let your child create a board theme of their choice
• This project may take a few hours or complete a little bit each day

Written by: Marisa Brahney

Let’s admit it—being a parent during this global pandemic has a lot of unforeseen challenges. From trying to work from home while wrangling little ones to homeschooling our bigger kids to keeping our families healthy and safe, it’s all uncharted territory. And while we’re figuring this all out on the fly, our kids are asking questions. My four-year-old is as curious as they come, and I’ve been grappling with how to best explain this on his level. How can we put aside our own fears about this uncertain, scary time and be the calm, steady presence our children need right now? What’s appropriate to tell a four-year-old about the coronavirus pandemic? An eight-year-old? A teenager? We sat down with Dr. Liz Matheis, a child psychologist (who’s also one of our NJMOMprenuers) to give us mamas the professional guidance we need to help our kids understand what’s happening.

Discussing death with a child can be extremely difficult, and in a lot of cases parents tend to avoid this important topic altogether. More likely than not, an individual will be exposed to death in some capacity during the early years of their life. A trusted adult can serve as an anchor for a child during the wave of emotions that typically accompany a loss. The more that we process these emotions with our children when they are younger, the better they will be able to cope in adulthood. Here are a few strategies to help facilitate this tricky discussion and assist our children in adapting healthy coping skills.

Be Specific with Your Language

It’s important to use clear and specific language when we are talking to our children about death. Using words such as death and dead are crucial as to not confuse the child. Using vague terminology may create confusion and lead to the development of fears. For example, if you tell a child that the deceased individual went away or went to sleep, he or she may think that the next time mommy or daddy goes to sleep they will never come back or may even start to worry about falling asleep themselves.

Include Your Child in the Memorial Process 

Children like to be doers. Including them in the memorialization planning will help them feel as though they are a part of the process. Allow them to organize and look through photos and share positive memories with you as you view them. Including them in the planning process also provides them with a sense of control.

Validate Their Feelings and Share Your Own

With death comes a wave of emotions. When your child experiences an emotion, it’s important to validate that emotion and let them know that this is a part of the grieving process. Try to avoid the “fixing” pattern and let them experience whatever emotion is visiting them at the time. Don’t be afraid to share your own feelings with your child as  this will help to reinforce that feelings are normal and we all experience them. The more that we validate and normalize the feeling, the less overwhelming they will be for the child.

Don’t Put a Timeline on the Grieving Process

Children are naturally curious and ask a lot of questions. Death is a difficult topic to process, even for an adult, so children may have many questions in the months to come as they try to process through this complex concept. Try to approach each question with patience and acceptance and don’t be afraid to let your child know if you are not certain of a particular answer. As children reach different levels of development, their understanding of the finality of death may change and you may observe different emotions surface. Understanding how your child processes death based on their developmental level will help you to better support their grieving process.

Utilize Children’s Books and Get Crafty 

There are a number of wonderful children’s books that explain the concept of death in a developmentally appropriate manner such as Something Very Sad Happened by Bonnie Zucker, The Invisible String by Patrice Karst, and The Memory Box by Joanne Rowland just to name a few. There are also endless possibilities when it comes to creating crafts in conjunction with these books as well. Creating a memory box is a great way to help children process through their emotions while honoring their loved one with you. The holidays can be difficult following the loss of a loved one. Using a clear plastic snow globe to create memory ornaments can be a wonderful way to honor the deceased while processing wonderful memories. If your family isn’t very crafty, utilizing passions and interests such as music, nature, and sports can help families to create traditions while honoring and mourning their loved one as a family.

Part II: Pregnancy loss.
[Trigger Warning: Miscarriage is addressed directly below.]

Is miscarriage a useful term?
I experienced a miscarriage in between my first and second child. Reading the phrase is respectful but doesn’t embody the emotion that goes along with a miscarriage. I suffered a miscarriage because I was devastated by the loss of an 11-week pregnancy, a child I never met but lost. I was tormented internally for a year but didn’t feel that I could share the experience. I was embarrassed and I hid that I was hurting badly and for a long time. The experience of the loss was pretty intense for me. I grieved every day. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I lost my baby. I would fall asleep at 9 p.m. out of sheer exhaustion each night and then wake up at 3 a.m. and was not able to fall back asleep. I stayed up and thought about everything I did, ate, wore, and how that could have contributed to the miscarriage. I was paralyzingly scared that my body would not be able to hold another child. I felt extremely out of control. I couldn’t focus at work; I was tired and irritable all of the time. My son was 1.5 years old, and I was afraid I was going to lose him, too.

​I finally became pregnant four months later (the longest four months I have ever experienced in my life). During my entire pregnancy, I suffered from severe anxiety because I was so afraid to lose this baby too. That anxiety didn’t subside until the moment my daughter was born, and I could see, with my very own eyes, that she was healthy and alive. I know I am not alone when I say that it is a life-changing event to lose a child, even if the child was still so small.

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Connecting With Our Children

If you are a parent of a child or children with special needs, I know how tired you are at the end of each day. If you are also working, part-time or full-time, for yourself or for someone else, finding time to connect with your kids each day is tough. Our children need to and want to connect with us as we want to connect with them.

I remember having visions of parenthood while my firstborn was a baby. I imagined these peaceful evenings of us cuddling and playing together. I never imagined the rush-rush that I now live with 3 children and a full-time private practice. I run in through the door, pick up, drop off, make dinner, prepare lunches, take out the garbage. By 8 p.m. I feel like I’ve run a marathon…and I still haven’t made 10,000 steps!

I can see what happens when I don’t connect with my kids. They become angry with me, they use that tone and we go downhill from there. I have to remember that they are frustrated that I am not reading their cues and my body language is one of tension, a rushed nature, and a whole bunch of disorganized energy. There are days that I don’t want to be near me! For my child with special needs, on my days of feeling disorganized, I trigger her and we have more meltdowns than usual. But, when I self-calm and organize my thoughts and my actions, we have a better flow.

Image by Shield Healthcare

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