Why Self-Care is Essential to Parenting

Why Self-Care is Essential to Parenting

written by  posted on ChildMind

Parents who are the main caregivers for kids with special needs can be at risk for burnout, especially if they don’t have enough support themselves. Symptoms of burnout include anxiety, depression, feeling tired and feeling cut off from other people.

Caring for a child with a developmental or mental health disorder can put a big strain on your marriage or relationship. There can be also be physical risks from the constant stress of taking care of a special needs child. Physical risks from constant stress include things like heart disease, diabetes and cancer.

To avoid burnout, it’s important for parents to take care of their own needs. That includes getting enough sleep and exercise, drinking enough water and spending time away from your child. Parents sometimes feel like they have to do everything by themselves, but getting help from other people is crucial. Support groups, spending time with friends and even just making time for fun activities on your own can all help.

If you don’t have family you can rely on or money to hire babysitters, something called “respite care” can help. Respite care provides temporary help so you can take a break from constant caregiving.

What Can Help When You’re Feeling Hopeless

What Can Help When You’re Feeling Hopeless

written by Amy Morin, LCSW, posted on Very Well Mind

Hopelessness, by definition, is the belief that things aren’t going to get better or that you can’t succeed.

Whether you feel hopeless about your ability to get out of debt or you feel hopeless about almost everything in life, it is an awful feeling.

Feeling stuck in a place of hopelessness makes life really tough.1Fortunately, there are some things you can do when you’re feeling hopeless to make life a bit better—no matter how bad things might seem.

Consider That Your Brain Might Be Lying to You

Your brain might tell you that things are awful, horrible, and dreadful. It may try to convince you that you can’t succeed or tell you that there’s no chance things are going to get better.

But just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s true. Your thoughts may be distorted, inaccurate, or downright wrong.

Hopeless feelings fuel hopeless thoughts. And it’s easy to get caught up in a negative cycle that makes it hard to see that things can get better.2

You might even think things like, “I’ve tried everything already and nothing works!” But that’s probably a cognitive distortion. You may have tried a few things—or even 10 things—but you likely haven’t tried everything.

At least be open to the idea that the way you’re thinking might not be accurate. There may be more hope than you imagine.

Pros and Cons of Being a Work-At-Home Parent

Pros and Cons of Being a Work-At-Home Parent

written by Elisa Cinelli, posted on VeryWellFamily

When I had my baby, I was fortunate to be able to take a year and a half of maternity leave from my job as an elementary school teacher. I wanted to stay home with my little one for as long as possible, so I filled out the paperwork and dove into the stay-at-home mom life.

As it turned out, it just wasn’t long enough. Trying to go back to work did a number on my physical and mental health, and I knew deep down that I needed to be home with my toddler. Not only that, but my entire income went to our nanny, so staying in my job just wasn’t making sense.

I now work part-time from home as a writer and journalist, and it was the best decision I could have made. I took something I was already doing for fun (blogging) and turned it into a way to make money while my toddler was sleeping. Working from home left me able to completely eliminate childcare costs.

Some parents who work from home do what I do—burning the midnight oil and using nap time and screen time to get their work done. Other work-from-home parents have the standard 9-to-5 job, just without the cubicle or the commute. Working from home may or may not necessitate childcare, depending upon the specifics.

Working from home may seem like a dream, but it also has its challenges. It can be difficult to stay focused while at home, especially when your kids are there too. Some people just do better with more of a separation between their personal and professional roles.

Whether or not working from home is the best choice for you depends on many factors. Take a look at the pros and cons of working from home as a parent.

Shouldering the Mental Load on Your Own

Shouldering the Mental Load on Your Own

written by Adrienne Farr, posted on Parents

Parenting is tough. Worrying about finances, household chores, morning and bedtime routines, child-friendly recreation, doctor’s visits, and everything in between can feel unbearable—for two parents. When this mental load is the sole responsibility of one parent, what’s unbearable can start to feel impossible. Single parents often suffer greatly by carrying the full mental load of these responsibilities.

Right in this moment, my elderly mom and 3-year-old daughter are bickering about a myriad of things, I have no idea what we’re having for lunch and dinner, nor do I feel like cooking. I am behind on work and just want to go to sleep but when I tried to get in a 10-minute nap, my daughter jumped on me and said, “I’m hungry.”

I feel drained, stressed, and neglectful toward not only my mom and my daughter, but to myself, a burden many caregivers feel, especially among the sandwich generation1—but even more so as a single parent. I wish I had someone to help, but I do not. Although I have a unique situation in being the single mom of a toddler and taking care of an elderly parent with Alzheimer’s/dementia, I know from listening to other single moms that they are feeling the weight of the sole mental load as well.

“24/7 with a 3-year-old—it’s like I can’t remember the last time I completed a thought from start to finish without interruption,” says Naomi Nedd, mother to a 3-year-old son in New York. “Sometimes you just want to yell, ‘Geez, let me finish a thought’ or ‘let me wipe my butt.’ But you can’t scream those things at a 3-year-old.”

Adding to the regular everyday stress is being a single parent during a continuing worldwide pandemic.3 “I can’t possibly be the only single parent who has had the thought, ‘Oh my gosh, what’s going to happen to my kid [if I get sick],” says Nedd. She also notes that actually going to work, as stressful as it can be, is a much-needed break. “The parenting during a pandemic—I can’t even describe it.”

The Loneliness Epidemic is Fueling Mental Illness & Substance Abuse: Resources To Support Wellness

The Loneliness Epidemic is Fueling Mental Illness & Substance Abuse: Resources To Support Wellness

posted on T.R.U.E.  Addiction & Behavioral Health

This comprehensive guide breaks the silence on the loneliness epidemic. Take a closer look as we explore the disconnect, the causes, and how to treat this surge in solitude.

Loneliness is not a diagnosable condition. Yet, research has shown that it has the same impact on death rates as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

You can feel alone on a crowded elevator or standing in line at the post office. Loneliness is a person’s satisfaction with the level of connection they desire versus the reality of what they have or don’t.

Americans feel more alone now than ever before. This seclusion is a powerful force that impairs many parts of our lives. It can be as harmful as obesity, cigarettes, or a drug or alcohol addiction.

Individuals who struggle with alcohol and drug addiction face mental health challenges. Sometimes, it’s difficult to know which problem happened first. People can start misusing drugs because of their mental illness. Or they developed mental illness after starting to misuse drugs. We call this dual diagnosis or co-occurring disorders.

Loneliness Stats and Insights

Raising awareness makes it easier to progress. Lives are impacted every day. It’s essential to understand the facts behind this public health concern.

Physical Health Effects

Research from the AARP Foundation showed the physical effects of isolation and loneliness on nursing home resident’s quality of life are alarming:

  • 50% increased risk of developing dementia
  • 32% increased risk of stroke
  • Nearly fourfold increased risk of death among heart failure patients

A lack of in-person socialization can heighten dementia symptoms in seniors, according to neuropsychologist Neil H. Pliskin, a professor of clinical psychiatry and neurology at the University of Illinois School of Medicine.

Mental Health Effects

The same cross-sectional study evaluated a group of 18 to 34-year-olds. Researchers found a relationship between loneliness and depression, anxiety, alcoholism, and drug use during COVID-19.

  • Almost 80% reported significant depressive symptoms
  • 61% reported moderate anxiety
  • Feeling lonely results in a 60% increase in the risk of mental decline and a 45% greater risk of death.

McLean’s Guide to Managing Mental Health Around the Holidays

McLean’s Guide to Managing Mental Health Around the Holidays

posted on McLean Hospital Website

Elvis once crooned about feeling blue at Christmas time—and we’re here to tell you: It’s perfectly normal to feel that way.

There are a variety of reasons why your days may not be merry and bright around the holiday season. It can be the jam-packed social calendar, deadlines at work, the loss of a loved one, sunless winter days, or all of the above.

According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of people surveyed said their stress increased during the holiday season, which can lead to physical illness, depression, anxiety, and substance misuse. The reasons given include lack of time, financial pressure, gift-giving, and family gatherings.

To make matters worse, the National Alliance on Mental Illness noted that 64% of individuals living with a mental illness felt that their conditions worsened around the holidays.

However, there are ways in which we can prepare ourselves and hopefully deflect some of the increased stress of the holidays. It’s important to realize that we do have more control than we think we do.

However, it’s equally important to realize that even if we put these ideas into practice and continue to feel overwhelmed or depressed, professional help is available.

6 Signs You May Be Struggling Around the Holidays

We’ve identified six common issues that come up this time of year, as well as suggestions from our mental health experts for ways to address them.

1. You’re Lacking the “Holiday Spirit”

Being surrounded by cheeriness can be stigmatizing when you don’t feel the same level of enthusiasm as others.

The pressure to be social, happy, and present can make it difficult to speak up if you feel otherwise. You may also feel left out if your spiritual traditions aren’t the dominant ones on display this time of year.

Provider Spotlight: Lois Manzella Marchitto Fitness Knocking®

Provider Spotlight: Lois Manzella Marchitto Fitness Knocking®

As parents of children and teens with challenges, it can be easy to forget about ourselves. We are excited to share this great resource with you!
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Mini-personal training Sessions start at $50 and Full sessions start at $85.
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Cell: Mobile 973-713-2602
Office 862-251-8989
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"Dr. Matheis has an amazing ability to read kids and connect with them. She has been an invaluable resource for our family over the past several years and has helped us with everything from educational consulting, to uncovering diagnoses as well as family therapy. Working with Dr. Matheis never feels clinical and most importantly, our children love and trust her. We can not thank you enough Dr. Liz!"
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"My teenage son had been seeing Dr. Matheis through his senior year of high school, as he was only diagnosed with ADHD at 16 years old.  Dr. Matheis came highly recommended from our pediatrician and she has done wonders for our son as well as our family, navigating new ways for him to deal with his diagnosis without the use of medication.  She taught him ways to organize himself and even when something did not work for him, she patiently continued teaching him new ways to keep himself on track.  She has also helped us as parents to understand how his mind works so that we did not continue to blame his lack of focus on him, rather on his unique way of thinking.  Thank you Dr. Matheis!!!!"
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"Dr. Liz is the best! Our family was directed to her by our Pediatrician to assist with figuring out severe mood changes, severe anxiety, strange new fears and food aversion that had come onto one of our children literally overnight. After just a couple of visits, she suggested that the issues may actually be rooted in a physical issue and suggested we immediately take our child to be swabbed for strep, because Dr. Liz suspected PANDAS (a pediatric autoimmune disorder brought on by strep). The same Pediatrician that suggested Dr. Liz would not do the swab (they do not believe in PANDAS and we no longer go there) but I took my child to my doctor who did the swab and it was positive for strep. When our child went on antibiotics, within 24 hours all symptoms went away and our child was back :-) Dr. Liz then recommended a PANDAS specialist who helped us and our child is in complete remission and is happy and healthy. We are incredibly grateful to Dr. Liz for her knowledge of all things, even the most remote and unusual and for helping us so much! Thank you!"
- Anonymous
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Anonymous
"Thank you, Dr. Liz. Although we have told you countless times, it will never feel enough. You have listened when J could barely speak and continued to listen when he was sad, angry and confused. You've challenged him and directed us in our roles as parents. You've helped J face his fears while the list evolved and changed, and yet you've stayed committed to 'the course.' We pray that your children realize that time away from them is spent helping children learn and that vulnerability is a sign of strength and bravery."
- June I
"My son was admitted to an Ivy League school when only 2 years ago, you assessed him and saw his struggles, his Dyslexia. We are grateful that he no longer has to carry that deep feeling of inadequacy or shame that must have kept him so self conscious and from reaching his potential. He has the PERFECT program for him. He has A's in high math and economics. He became a Merit Scholar, a Boys State legislature, the HEAD captain of the football team and help a job ALL while studying and managing his classes and disability. I am PROUD of you, a young doctor, who knows and sees the vulnerability of children and helps them recognize "it's NO big deal" God bless."
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