How to Manage Your Kid’s Anxiety Over Coronavirus

As fears about coronavirus weigh on our minds, our kids are anxious and full of questions. Even though so much is uncertain, it’s our job as parents to be a source of calm for our children. Reassuring them that they are safe and that medical professionals are working hard to take care of people who need it is a good place to start. It’s also important to remind them that we can do a lot to keep ourselves healthy—everything from washing our hands to not sharing food and drinks to covering a cough or sneeze with a tissue or the inside of our elbow.

If you haven’t already, check the Centers for Disease Control website for important information on how to protect yourself and your family. It has specific guidance on everything from the proper handwashing technique to the most effective way to disinfect household surfaces every day. It’s also crucial to reinforce everyday healthy habits, like making sure the kids get enough sleep and eat healthfully. Doing everything you can to keep the routine inside your house—things maintaining a regular dinner time and bedtime—as normal as possible is also really important.

You may not want to start a conversation about coronavirus because you don’t want to add to your kids’ worries, but it’s important to be proactive by asking them what they’ve heard. This is your opportunity to dispel any rumors. To help guide conversations with your kids, we asked Dr. Liz Matheis, a child psychologist in Livingston and a mom of three kids, ages 13, 11 and 7, for advice on how to manage your children’s stress in the age of coronavirus.

Image by Istockphoto

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by Dina El Nabli, NJ Family

The Effects of Social Media on Our Stress Levels

Social media plays a powerful role in creating a more globalized society. We have the ability to communicate with people on the opposite side of the globe, and we can connect with others in seconds. While maintaining friendships with people who don’t live in close proximity was a challenge before, it has become much easier to stay in each other’s lives thanks to Facebook, Instagram, and the likes.

With social media, the world seems smaller and more connected—but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t significant downsides to be noted. Social media does deserve a lot of praise, but—depending on how we engage with it—it also plays a huge role in elevating our stress levels.

The Addictive Potential of Social Media
With constant access to social media through smartphones and other portable devices, it is easy to become addicted to scrolling through social media.

In a review of 444 participants’ Facebook habits, researchers found that people had an increased likelihood to become addicted to technology.

Researchers found that participants would switch between different activities on the platform (such as scrolling through the news feed, posting updates, or chatting with friends) as each activity became stressful.

This habit could lead to technology addiction, as users would switch to different stress-inducing activities within the platform as a way to cope with stress—rather than log off and turn to something else. This means more time on the platforms that are causing stress in the first place.

The Comparison Effect
Since the emergence of social media, we have been hyper-connected to the people both physically near us and far away. We are constantly aware of the lives of others (or, at least, the curated lives they present), and are prone to entering a cycle of unfair comparisons and jealousy. This can lead to stress, particularly when we feel the social pressure to present a life online that is deemed as exciting or interesting as the lives of others on social media platforms.

A 2017 review found that passive use of social media can lead to this stress. When we mindlessly scroll through feeds, we can harbor feelings of jealousy and stress.

In these instances, we aren’t using social media as a tool to build connections. We are simply passively absorbing whatever shows up on our screen, isolating ourselves from others. On the other hand, when we actively use social media to engage with others, we can feel less lonely and more connected to others.

However, interestingly enough, researchers have argued that more time spent on social media engaging in these detrimental behaviors isn’t actually the major factor when it comes to social media and stress levels.

According to researchers at Pew Research Center, social media most dramatically affects stress when it comes to shared negative information.

Image by: Unsplash

by Kyra Heenan

Anxiety is a Liar!

Anxiety is a liar.. but you already knew that. It puts you down, scares you, and makes you question the very things that you know to be true. Anxiety also stalks you when you are feeling good about yourself and plants small seeds of worry that grow into the “what if’s” that can be haunting.

Call anxiety out on its lies. Build up your cheerleader’s voice and turn up the volume.

Anxiety in Teens and Tweens: Is My Child Anxious? What Next?

Anxiety. It’s something we all feel. In fact, it’s normal to feel anxious.  It’s our body’s way of letting us know that something is unsafe or harmful. It’s our body’s way of revving up our energy supply so that we can run or hide or think quickly on our feet.  But what happens when that anxiety is something that you feel often, like every day? And it can sometimes, or all the time, get in the way of what you or your children want to do? Then, it’s a problem.


What Does Anxiety Really Look Like with Children and Adolescents?
With children and adolescents, anxiety isn’t necessarily pacing or writhing your hands. It can look different. It can actually be confusing. What you might see is:

  • withdrawal
  • isolation
  • agitation
  • restlessness
  • inattention, poor focus
  • somatic symptoms – headaches, stomachaches
  • avoidance
  • tantrums
  • crying

Children who are anxious don’t always know that they feel anxious. They just know that they don’t like how they feel, they don’t know how to make it stop, and so they let you know how children know how to by. Instead, it’s very easy for parents and teachers to interpret anxious behaviors as negative behaviors and to want to create a behavioral plan or chart.
My mantra is: No Child Wakes Up and Decides to Be Behavioral. That’s not how it works. Instead, when you, as the parent, begin to notice a change in behaviors, that’s when your antennae should perk up. Instead of ‘fighting’ back, I recommend that you let your child know that you know something is different and to make yourself available as a parent to listen and sympathize.

Here are some signs to look for that may be a sign of anxiety and emotional struggle:

  • refusing to go to school
  • having meltdowns before school about clothing, hair, shoes, socks
  • having meltdowns after school about homework
  • having difficulties with transitions within school, and between school and an activity/sport
  • having difficulty settling down for bed
  • having high expectations for school work, homework and sports performance
  • talking back, fighting rules, being ‘fresh’

​It’s very easy as a parent to think that your child has a behavioral problem, an Oppositional Defiance Disorder even. However, look closer. There’s a strong likelihood that your child is anxious, very anxious.

Image by: Adobe Stock

by Dr. Liz Matheis

5 Fast Facts For Families: Anxiety In Children

Sharing is caring!

Anxiety in children can be a very common problem. It can be a stand-alone issue, or it can tag along with other disorders such as ADHD or learning differences. Although it occurs frequently, it often goes unrecognized and untreated. Get the basic facts on anxiety disorders in children, and find out whether your family should follow up.

1. Anxiety In Children: What Is It?
Basic anxiety or worries and concerns about things that might happen is a very natural and necessary human emotion. Think of the basic “fight or flight” response that we all know so well. At normal levels, basic anxiety can keep us safe, healthy and whole.

Anxiety itself is not bad. But sometimes anxiety can become excessive. And, it becomes disproportionate to the danger or risk at hand. It can be debilitating and significantly interfere with one’s ability to conduct or enjoy day to day affairs. Being a little anxious or fearful is entirely rational. However, if a child is excessively anxious, having difficulty at school, home, in social life, it may indicate an anxiety disorder.

Excessive Anxiety
Experts believe that 10% to 15% or more of children experience an anxiety disorder before the age of 18. But, up to 80% of kids with some type of diagnosable anxiety disorder fail to receive treatment. Treatment that could greatly improve their quality of life, and the quality of life of their families. And, treatment that could otherwise greatly enhance their ability to function successfully as adults.

Sometimes anxieties disorders may be overlooked or ignored. Adults may brush off or misattribute otherwise troubling behavior because they think kids shouldn’t have any major worries. They don’t have the stressors commonly seen in adulthood – like money, relationships, career, health etc.

Or, other issues could be overshadowing excessive anxiety. Kids who experience ADHD or other learning disabilities may often also experience intense anxiety. Particularly, if they are experiencing undiagnosed conditions that create frustrations and problems in everyday life. The lack of meaningful explanation or a plan to address the underlying conditions may yield to intense anxiety.

Some of the more commonly occurring anxiety disorders include:

* Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Children with Generalized Anxiety Disorder will worry excessively about a wide range of everyday things or commonly occurring events.  You may see this as intense anxiety about his or her own performance at school. Or, excessive performance anxiety around outside activities or sports. Sometimes these worries may seem like extreme perfectionism.

Kids with this disorder may have anxieties about others and not just themselves. For instance, intense worries about something happening to family members and friends. Or, excessive concerns about natural disasters or emergencies.

* Social Anxiety Disorder
Social anxiety disorders basically revolve around worries about how others perceive you. Kids may have an intense fear of being judged by others. Or, experience worries about being the center of attention. It may show up as extreme self-consciousness. Or, unusually intense concerns about being embarrassed or humiliated. Social anxiety disorders arise most often in adolescents. But they occur in younger children as well.

* Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Kids experiencing an obsessive-compulsive disorder are beset with negative thoughts, fears or emotions that are repetitive in nature. And, their obsessive thoughts trigger some ritualistic attempt to control or repel those unwanted thoughts, fears or emotions.

This is the anxiety disorder that you will more frequently see portrayed in the movies. It may be most famously displayed in the movie “As Good As It Gets” with the locking of the doors and avoidance of cracks in the sidewalk.

Other common compulsions include repetitive hand-washing, repetitive rechecking of information, seeking repetitive assurances about the same situation, hoarding or “collecting” items of no apparent value.

Image by: Depositphotos

by Start Here Parents 

Así Es la Ansiedad Cuando Tienes Hijos Con Discapacidades

Nota del editor: ¡Gracias por leer The Mighty! Por ahora, como te darás cuenta, la mayoría de nuestro contenido está en inglés. Estamos empezando a cambiar esto porque, aunque estamos ubicados en los Estados Unidos, nuestra comunidad es global. De cualquier manera, ahora mismo puedes publicar en nuestro sitio o hacer preguntas en español — o en cualquier idioma que desees — para conectarte con otras personas en nuestra comunidad. Y no olvides seguir nuestra página en español! 

Como he dicho muchas veces, tener hijos es un trabajo difícil. Es el trabajo más exigente, implacable e ingrato que he tenido. Como madre de tres niños muy diferentes, necesito criar a cada uno de manera diferente debido a su edad, sus necesidades y su personalidad.

Soy una persona ansiosa. No vine al mundo como una persona ansiosa, pero esta vida me ha convertido en una. Solía ​​ser una niña despreocupado, feliz, sin preocupaciones del día a día. Tenía fe en que todo estaría bien. Y la vida pasó. A mi padre le diagnosticaron cáncer cuando yo tenía 11 años. Luego con cáncer nuevamente cuando tenía 14 años. Finalmente, falleció cuando yo tenía 20 años. Mi vida se derrumbó y nunca volvió a ser la misma. La ansiedad se instaló y nunca me dejó.

Después tuve a mi segunda hija. Una niña fuerte, terca, ruidosa y persistente. Ella necesita mucho y no tiene problemas de decirme lo mala que estoy para satisfacer sus necesidades. Sip. Buenos dias, amor.

Ansiedad
Ansiedad — es lo que siento cada día. Cuando no puedo evitar que el ciclo gire, me atoro mental y emocionalmente. El miedo y angustia por las cosas que van a suceder, las cosas que pueden suceder y las cosas que no han sucedido. También es el temor de que cuando las cosas van bien, no se mantengan así.

Como padres, nos preocupamos. Nos preocupamos mucho. Nos preocupamos por el pasado, el futuro y el presente. Nos preocupamos todos los días. Nos preocupamos por las pequeñas cosas y las grandes cosas. Nos preocupa que no estemos haciendo lo suficiente, o que estemos haciendo demasiado, o que estemos esforzándonos demasiado, o que no lo estemos haciendo lo suficiente — todo en el mismo día o incluso en el mismo momento.

Nos preocupa haber ofendido a alguien con nuestra pasión por darles a nuestros hijos las terapias, el apoyo y los servicios que necesitan en la escuela y en la comunidad. Nos preocupa decir sí o decir no. Nos preocupa no haber investigado lo suficiente o tal vez hemos investigado demasiado y ahora nuestro cerebro nos duele.
El ciclo es interminable y no me gusta.

Imagen viene de: GettyImages

by Dr. Liz Matheis, Ph.D

What I Wish I Could Tell My Anxious, Younger Self

Last month, actor Gillian Anderson posted a video where she openly shared she lives with anxiety and depression, and that it should not be a source of shame or belittlement. She also gives advice to her younger self in that although she has anxiety, it doesn’t mean she can’t live a peaceful and beautiful life.

I am so thankful that a prominent person like Gillian has been so forthcoming about her experiences. It’s very easy to think — “You’ve got it all, Gillian. What are you anxious and depressed about?” But the truth of the matter is, anxiety doesn’t know your socioeconomic status or your profession, and it doesn’t care. Many of us are either born with a genetic predisposition or we were raised by our anxious parents, who communicated to us life’s experiences and events are dangerous. Many of us may have had life experiences that have shaken or shattered our sense of safety and trust in the people and the world of which we are apart. Regardless of how you’re here, you are here.

As a psychologist, I often sit with young adults who mirror my experiences as a younger version of me. I hear myself saying or thinking, “I feel like I’m talking to my younger self.” Watching Gillian’s video really hit home for me as I often wonder how differently my life paths and choices would have been if I had acknowledged my anxiety and had not been so shameful of my thoughts, feelings and choices. I often wonder if I could have lived more in the present and less in my head, what my life would have looked now. I wonder. I also wonder what I could have said to my younger self that would have made a difference in my experience of anxiety. I wonder.

I know I’m not alone with my regrets, my hindsight and regular bombardment of “what if’s.” But that’s anxiety too. That’s the all-consuming nature of anxiety that continues to take me away from the present and keeps me living in the past. It hurts to think that my life could have looked different, possibly even looked better or more relieved.

by Dr. Liz Matheis, Ph.D and Yahoo Lifestyle

Stress, PTSD and Parents of Kids With Disabilities

As a Psychologist, I am in the business of receiving phone calls from parents worried about their kids with disabilities. During that initial phone call, parents give me a quick run-down of their child’s symptoms, the struggles the family at large is facing, and the specific goals they would like to work towards.

During that initial phone call, I’m often left thinking, “How are you, as the parent, doing?” Parents are often surprised when I ask that question during the intake. Several parents have responded with silence, a confused, “Fine,” or “No one has ever asked me how I’m doing.” As a parent of a child with disabilities, the process of gaining a diagnosis and then figuring out life and supports and medical conditions can be overwhelming and often traumatizing. In my experience, many parents of children with disabilities and other medical needs are experiencing symptoms of  post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

How Does a Parent Develop PTSD?
For the parent, the initial trauma can come from realizing that “something isn’t right” with their child, researching, and ultimately gaining the diagnosis. This trauma is perpetuated when a parent begins to mourn and grieve the loss of the child they thought they would have. The next phase is accessing medical supports or services and not being entirely sure how it will work and what the outcome will be. Then, adolescence hits and some children with disabilities develop anxiety or depression.

For example, for some parents of children with autism spectrum disorder, their children may become aggressive. Some kids have been aggressive all along. As a result, parents are often concerned about safety, often hiding bruises or staying at home to protect their child so that others don’t witness the physical aggression. This becomes even more complicated when there are other children in the home and parents struggle to give them attention, nurturance and time, something they often can’t do successfully because taking care of their sibling can sometimes be a 24-hour, 7 days per week job.

Raising a child with disabilities can also take a toll on a marriage. Parents care for their kids leaving little time for themselves as a couple. Finding someone else to care for the child can be difficult. That caretaker or babysitter needs to be trained and OK with possible meltdowns, behaviors or medical needs. And the icing on the cake is that some families become one income households so that one parent can take care of the multiple needs and therapies for the child, meaning that money can be tight, which is another source of distress for parents. Sometimes the marriage doesn’t survive due to the stress and lack of supports.

Parents are also left anticipating what might trigger their child and are constantly accommodating and modifying the environment to help their child stay calm or regulated. For some children, as they become older and their needs become more complex, some parents have to make a tough decisions about whether or not to find a residential program. Throughout this process that takes place over years and years, parents can become burned out, distressed, anxious, depressed and sometimes even feel hopeless and helpless.

by Dr. Liz Matheis, Ph.D and The Mighty

What I Wish I Could Tell My Anxious, Younger Self

Last month, actor Gillian Anderson posted a video where she openly shared she lives with anxiety and depression, and that it should not be a source of shame or belittlement. She also gives advice to her younger self in that although she has anxiety, it doesn’t mean she can’t live a peaceful and beautiful life.

I am so thankful that a prominent person like Gillian has been so forthcoming about her experiences. It’s very easy to think — “You’ve got it all, Gillian. What are you anxious and depressed about?” But the truth of the matter is, anxiety doesn’t know your socioeconomic status or your profession, and it doesn’t care. Many of us are either born with a genetic predisposition or we were raised by our anxious parents, who communicated to us life’s experiences and events are dangerous. Many of us may have had life experiences that have shaken or shattered our sense of safety and trust in the people and the world of which we are apart. Regardless of how you’re here, you are here.

As a psychologist, I often sit with young adults who mirror my experiences as a younger version of me. I hear myself saying or thinking, “I feel like I’m talking to my younger self.” Watching Gillian’s video really hit home for me as I often wonder how differently my life paths and choices would have been if I had acknowledged my anxiety and had not been so shameful of my thoughts, feelings and choices. I often wonder if I could have lived more in the present and less in my head, what my life would have looked now. I wonder. I also wonder what I could have said to my younger self that would have made a difference in my experience of anxiety. I wonder.

I know I’m not alone with my regrets, my hindsight and regular bombardment of “what if’s.” But that’s anxiety too. That’s the all-consuming nature of anxiety that continues to take me away from the present and keeps me living in the past. It hurts to think that my life could have looked different, possibly even looked better or more relieved.

by Dr. Liz Matheis, Ph.D and The Mighty

To Medicate or Not To Medicate My Child, That is the Question

This is a question that parents struggle with once they receive an ADHD, Autism or Anxiety diagnosis for their child. For some parents, it is out of the question. For some, they are open to the idea, while others may want more than just medication.

What is the ‘right’ thing to do? Is there a ‘right’ thing? The answer, unfortunately or fortunately, is no. There are several variables to consider when deciding the appropriate course of treatment for your child and your family, as this decision is a family affair.

What is the impact on my child’s daily functioning?

​This question refers to how much your child is affected by poor focus, hyperactivity or impulsivity, anxiety, difficulty with transitioning, going to school each day, and ability to participate in daily routines, etc. That is, is your child able to establish and maintain friendships? Is your child able to take in class lessons and learn? Is your child distracting himself or others in the classroom? Is your child able to get to school each day? Is your child able to transition from home to school? From school to activities? Is your child able to complete homework? Is your child able to participate in leisure activities such as birthday parties or family gatherings?

Is your child able to participate in a family dinner at home by remaining seated and following a conversation? Are you able, as a family, to go out for dinner, to the mall, to the movies? Is your child able to play with another child in their home without breaking things/toys? Is your child clumsy or accident prone?

Your decision will be based on how severe the level of impact is on your child’s ability to participate in daily activities and events as an individual, and for you as a family.

Are there other strategies I can use before trying medication?

Yes, of course there are. You can begin to implement behavioral strategies, routines, boundaries and consistency from day to day. For example, you may create a space for your child to complete homework that is not at the kitchen table, as your kitchen is likely the Grand Central Station of your house, as it is in many. It is also helpful to implement a no phone or IPOD/IPAD rule in your house while homework is being completed. You can create a visual schedule of morning, after school and bedtime routines. You can also create a list of household rules and consequences and make sure to implement consequences consistently using a calm demeanor. You may want to implement a ‘quiet time’ each night that is electronic free where your child and family can begin to wind down and decompress before bed time.

You, the parent(s), are also part of the treatment. Parents often find it helpful to work with a therapist for Parent Coaching to prioritize areas of need within the home and assist parents in maintaining a consistent parenting style and finding the strategies specific to their home. If you are an organized person who is able to begin and complete a task without hesitation, you are likely going to struggle in understanding why your child just can’t sit down and complete 3 math problems, or why she just can’t go to school and work through her fears. I’ve seen many parents become frustrated despite being very sympathetic towards their child. However, by providing you, the parent, with small short-term goals for your child and for you as a family, you will experience success as a whole and work towards finding a balance between what your child needs to succeed and what your family needs to function.

Executive Functioning Coaching is another form of support for you and your child where a therapist can offer strategies to help with organization, prioritization, homework completion, scheduling and more. Work is done with the child and parent to identify learning style, natural tendencies and preferences in order to help the student develop self-awareness and ultimately internalize the strategies that work. The goal is to develop a sense of accountability as well as confidence for the student.

There are many strategies to choose from, but the ones that you’ll be implementing will be based on the areas of need for your child and for you as a family. Start small and expand the behavioral expectation as your child is experiencing success.

by Dr. Liz Matheis, Ph.D.
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Julie C.
"Dr. Matheis has a remarkable ability to understand the unique needs of her patients and address them constructively. She builds strong, meaningful relationships with patients and their families, encouraging trust and collaboration. When working with my son who struggles with autism-related anxiety, she created an environment in which he was able to calm down and open up to her in ways I had not seen before. She was able to reach him and helped him work through his crisis/problem. Most importantly, she empowered him to move forward."
- N.L.
"Dr. Matheis is amazing. She has tremendous resources and loads of energy. She is not willing to accept anything less than the most effective results for her clients. She made me feel as if my son was her top priority throughout the entire process. I would, without reservation, give her my highest recommendations.  Thank you, Dr. Matheis!"
- Anonymous
"Dr. Matheis has an amazing ability to read kids and connect with them. She has been an invaluable resource for our family over the past several years and has helped us with everything from educational consulting, to uncovering diagnoses as well as family therapy. Working with Dr. Matheis never feels clinical and most importantly, our children love and trust her. We can not thank you enough Dr. Liz!"
- Anonymous
"My teenage son had been seeing Dr. Matheis through his senior year of high school, as he was only diagnosed with ADHD at 16 years old.  Dr. Matheis came highly recommended from our pediatrician and she has done wonders for our son as well as our family, navigating new ways for him to deal with his diagnosis without the use of medication.  She taught him ways to organize himself and even when something did not work for him, she patiently continued teaching him new ways to keep himself on track.  She has also helped us as parents to understand how his mind works so that we did not continue to blame his lack of focus on him, rather on his unique way of thinking.  Thank you Dr. Matheis!!!!"
- LG
"Dr. Liz is the best! Our family was directed to her by our Pediatrician to assist with figuring out severe mood changes, severe anxiety, strange new fears and food aversion that had come onto one of our children literally overnight. After just a couple of visits, she suggested that the issues may actually be rooted in a physical issue and suggested we immediately take our child to be swabbed for strep, because Dr. Liz suspected PANDAS (a pediatric autoimmune disorder brought on by strep). The same Pediatrician that suggested Dr. Liz would not do the swab (they do not believe in PANDAS and we no longer go there) but I took my child to my doctor who did the swab and it was positive for strep. When our child went on antibiotics, within 24 hours all symptoms went away and our child was back :-) Dr. Liz then recommended a PANDAS specialist who helped us and our child is in complete remission and is happy and healthy. We are incredibly grateful to Dr. Liz for her knowledge of all things, even the most remote and unusual and for helping us so much! Thank you!"
- Anonymous
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Anonymous
"Thank you, Dr. Liz. Although we have told you countless times, it will never feel enough. You have listened when J could barely speak and continued to listen when he was sad, angry and confused. You've challenged him and directed us in our roles as parents. You've helped J face his fears while the list evolved and changed, and yet you've stayed committed to 'the course.' We pray that your children realize that time away from them is spent helping children learn and that vulnerability is a sign of strength and bravery."
- June I
"My son was admitted to an Ivy League school when only 2 years ago, you assessed him and saw his struggles, his Dyslexia. We are grateful that he no longer has to carry that deep feeling of inadequacy or shame that must have kept him so self conscious and from reaching his potential. He has the PERFECT program for him. He has A's in high math and economics. He became a Merit Scholar, a Boys State legislature, the HEAD captain of the football team and help a job ALL while studying and managing his classes and disability. I am PROUD of you, a young doctor, who knows and sees the vulnerability of children and helps them recognize "it's NO big deal" God bless."
- Anonymous

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