When Summer Isn’t Relaxing
published on Psychology Today, written by Dr. Liz Nissim
For many families, summer is associated with freedom, relaxation, and a welcome break from the demands of the school year. Yet for some children and teens, the transition from the structure of school to the flexibility of summer can actually increase anxiety.
Children thrive on predictability. During the school year, they know when to wake up, where they are going, who they will see, and what is expected of them each day. Summer often brings sudden changes to those routines. While some children look forward to the loosey-goosey schedule, other children may dread the lack of structure that comes with the summertime.
How Anxiety May Show Up During the Summer
Many of our children aren’t able to articulate “I’m feeling anxious.” Instead, anxiety shows up in behaviors and changes in behaviors.
For younger children, parents may notice that their child is now more clingy and struggles to separate. A younger child may not be able to tolerate being apart from parents, even if it’s a different room or a different floor of the house. Some children struggle to settle down for bed, or they wake up in the middle of the night and navigate over to their parent’s bed. Parents may also notice their child complaining of stomachaches or headaches. Some children may actually regress in certain behaviors, like having accidents after being potty trained or sucking their thumb again.
For school-age children, anxiety may look like worrying about camp (the bus ride or the car ride, the time that the bus will pick up and drop off, etc.). Children may not want to participate in activities or events that feel new or unfamiliar. There may be more crying, meltdowns, or just a struggle to tolerate anything that doesn’t go his or her way. School-age children may have difficulty separating from their parents and may seek constant reassurance of the day’s schedule and that he or she will be “okay.”
For teenagers, anxiety may look like sleeping too much, not sleeping enough, or a shift in the sleep-wake cycle. There could also be greater irritability and lower frustration tolerance. Our teens may turn to their phones to distract and withdraw. They may also avoid social interactions or insist that they can’t gain a job, attend camp, or participate in any other summer activity that may be available to them. They may even withdraw from family and friends.
What Can I Do as a Parent?
Maintain Some Structure
Children don’t need a rigid schedule during the summer, but they will benefit from having a schedule of events for the day that aren’t necessarily time-specific, but rather sequence-specific. That is, having a consistent wake-up time, eating meals on a regular schedule, and having planned activities throughout the week. Some level of structure and predictability will help to reduce the uncertainty around the summer schedule.
Validate Feelings Instead of Dismissing Them
When children express worries, parents naturally want to reassure them. However, statements such as “You’ll be fine” can unintentionally make children feel misunderstood. Instead, try: “It makes sense that you’re nervous about starting camp. Let’s talk about what you’re worried about.” Validation doesn’t increase anxiety. It helps children feel understood, which often lowers emotional intensity and encourages problem-solving.
Prepare Children for New Experiences
Whenever possible, help them preview what is coming next. For example, visit a new camp before the first day; meet the camp counselor if possible. Review the schedule together and provide a visual schedule in a central place in your home, or provide a schedule or calendar for your child in his or her room that he or she can reference as often as desired. Discuss what to expect about camp, an upcoming vacation, a family reunion, etc. The more familiar something feels, the less threatening it often becomes.
Balance Activities and Downtime
Many families feel pressure to fill every moment of summer with enrichment opportunities or fun activities. While camps, sports, and other activities can be beneficial, children also need downtime. Make sure to include time for rest, free play, and spending time with friends and family. A balanced schedule often supports emotional well-being better than an overscheduled one.
Many parents focus on trying to eliminate their child’s anxiety. While this instinct is understandable, anxiety is a normal human emotion and cannot be completely removed. Instead, focus on helping your child develop confidence in his or her ability to handle uncomfortable feelings. Children learn resilience not because they never feel anxious, but because they discover they can move through anxiety and still be successful.
