Co-Parenting and Joint Custody Tips for Divorced Parents

Co-Parenting and Joint Custody Tips for Divorced Parents

written by , posted on help guide 

What is co-parenting?

Unless your family has faced serious issues such as domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting—having both parents play an active role in their children’s daily lives—is the best way to ensure that all your kids’ needs are met and enable them to retain close relationships with both parents. The quality of the relationship between co-parents can also have a strong influence on the mental and emotional well-being of children, and the incidence of anxiety and depression. Of course, putting aside relationship issues, especially after an acrimonious split, to co-parent agreeably is sometimes easier said than done.

Joint custody arrangements can be exhausting, infuriating, and fraught with stress, especially if you have a contentious relationship with your ex-partner. You may feel concerned about your ex’s parenting abilities, stressed out about child support or other financial issues, feel worn down by conflict, or think you’ll never be able to overcome all the resentments in your relationship.

Making shared decisions, interacting with each other at drop-offs, or just speaking to a person you’d rather forget all about can seem like impossible tasks. For the sake of your kids’ well-being, though, it is possible for you to overcome co-parenting challenges and develop a cordial working relationship with your ex. With these tips, you can remain calm, stay consistent, and resolve conflicts to make joint custody work and enable your kids to thrive.

Making co-parenting work

The key to successful co-parenting is to separate the personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. It may be helpful to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one—one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you.

[Read: Children and Divorce]

Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; acting in your kids’ best interest is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to always put your children’s needs ahead of your own.

Benefits for your children

Through your co-parenting partnership, your kids should recognize that they are more important than the conflict that ended your marriage—and understand that your love for them will prevail despite changing circumstances. Kids whose divorced parents have a cooperative relationship:

  • Feel secure. When confident of the love of both parents, kids adjust more quickly and easily to divorce and new living situations, and have better self-esteem.
  • Benefit from consistency. Co-parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and rewards between households, so children know what to expect, and what’s expected of them.
  • Better understand problem solving. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.
  • Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other parent, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future to build and maintain stronger relationships.
  • Are mentally and emotionally healthier. Children exposed to conflict between co-parents are more likely to develop issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD.

Top Tips for Improving Mental Health in the Workplace

Top Tips for Improving Mental Health in the Workplace

written by Amy Forester

Our workplaces can be fulfilling, motivating, exciting and stressful all at the same time. For some people, employment is just a way to earn money, but for others, it’s a chance to do meaningful work that challenges and inspires them. Whichever camp you fall in, almost all of us will feel stressed or overwhelmed at work at some point in our careers – even if you’re well-suited to your role.

For parents of children with special needs, extra precautions must be taken to protect against stress and manage their mental health. Often, with such demanding home lives, work stressors can become overwhelming.

So how can we make sure that we’re taking care of our mental health at work, and moving forward in a way that’s sustainable? Let’s take a look.

Put boundaries in place with yourself and others
Especially if you’re a parent of a child with special needs, you’re likely working flat out in your home life to keep everything running smoothly. From school runs to appointments and hobbies, your children take up a lot of time, and that’s before you’ve considered your own social life. So, make sure that you put boundaries in place and don’t let your work flow into your home time, and vice versa.

With working from home becoming more popular, it’s tempting to try and use this flexibility to do multiple things at once – run a laundry load whilst you’re on a
call, and hang it out in a ten-minute break before your next call. But this means that you’re constantly jumping between tasks, which can be a little chaotic for your brain. If you do need to balance your work and home tasks throughout the day, try and work in dedicated blocks. Focus on a task for a set amount of time, such as 90 minutes, before switching.

If you’re based in an office, make sure that you stick to a set schedule that allows you to be home when you need to be and leave work behind. Avoid having emails on your phone, and clearly communicate your availability with your coworkers to ensure that you get the break you need. Additional support, such as a virtual receptionist service, can help you feel able to step away from the office.

Share your working preferences
Often, conflict and stress at work happens because we have expectations that people don’t meet, or we work in different ways. We’re all unique, and as such don’t go about our days in exactly the same way, but this can be hard to get used to, especially when you’re busy or under pressure.

For parents with an especially full-plate at home, it’s vital to clearly communicate your needs to your colleagues. If your child is sick or needs extra care due to their disability or condition, you shouldn’t feel unable to request additional time to care for them. Whether it’s flexible working hours or an easier week you need, be sure to stay open and clear with your employer.

By sharing your working preferences with your colleagues, and them doing the same, you can try and find a way of working together that suits everyone. So, if you hate morning meetings because that’s when you are most productive, or would rather receive an email unless a call is absolutely necessary, then let your colleagues know.

Work to your strengths
Everyone has parts of their role that they’re better at, and other tasks that they find hard. Whilst pushing yourself out of your comfort zone at work is part of growth and progression, if you’re constantly struggling, then it might be time to reassess if there are any tasks that can be shared around the team. Your weakness might be someone else’s strength, and a team approach can help reduce stress, get work done faster and to a higher standard.

Being a parent of a child, or children, with special needs is an amazing achievement in itself, and it’s sure to be an experience that has given you extra special qualities and strengths. Being able to proudly offer your specialist skills to your team in return for help in areas you struggle should come naturally within a positive working environment – so don’t be afraid to raise the conversation.

Don’t forget to ask for help
If you’re struggling at work, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Any supportive manager will be happy to look at your workload and help you take back control. Whilst we all have stressful times, no one should constantly feel overwhelmed at work.

How Old is Too Old to Co-Sleep with Parents?

Couple shares bed with daughters 6 and 12. How old is too old to co-sleep with parents?

written by By

Brandon and Meagan Deal never dreamed they would be co-sleeping with their 12-year-old daughter, McKenzi.

“It started back when McKenzi was a baby. She had low birthweight and we wanted to keep a close eye on her,” Brandon, 32, tells TODAY.com. “And then it just sort of stuck.”

Recently, Brandon shared a TikTok video about his family’s sleeping arrangements.

In the now-viral clip, Brandon, who lives in Alabama, explains that he shares a king size bed with his wife, Meagan, and their 6-year-old daughter, Sarah. McKenzi has a twin size bed pushed right up against theirs.

After giving followers a tour of their shared bedroom, Brandon asks McKenzi why she likes bunking with her Mom and Dad.

“I don’t know,” the sixth grader replies. “It’s a little safer.”

McKenzi is deaf and removes her cochlear implant at night.

“At that point, she can’t hear anything and it’s an eerie feeling for her,” Brandon says, while chatting with TODAY.com. “Sometimes she’ll wake up and check to make sure we’re there.”

“We have a fire alarm for deaf people but what if it didn’t work? I would never forgive myself,” Meagan says. “I don’t make McKenzi sleep in our room, but I’m definitely not going to force her out.”

Getting alone time is not an issue for Brandon and Meagan, who note that their girls are typically fast asleep by 8 p.m.

“That’s like four hours before we go to bed, right? And we have the whole rest of the house. It’s not as if we’re a one room house,” Brandon says.

 

Della Fave for Parsippany BOE!

Della Fave for Parsippany BOE!

Vote Ballot #6

  • We need new and relevant programming in our schools. Ones that will challenge and draw in all learners!

  • We need to have smart plans for modernizing our schools and bringing them into this century.

  • Quiet the noise and misinformation- get back to helping our kids!

What Qualifications Should You Look For When Choosing a Counselor?

What Qualifications Should You Look For When Choosing a Counselor?

written by Amy Forester

A counselor can help you process complex emotions and manage challenging life circumstances by giving you a listening ear and healthy coping strategies. Counselors can help with a variety of issues including bereavement, anger management, substance addiction, depression, anxiety, marital problems, and behavioral issues in children and teenagers. The right counselor can transform your relationship with yourself and others and help you to dramatically improve your emotional wellbeing.

When choosing a counselor, it’s important to look at their experience and their specialties to decide if they’re the right fit for you. You should also look into their qualifications to check that they have the appropriate skills to help you and that they’re legally permitted to provide counseling services.

Here are three qualifications you should look for when searching for a counselor.

1. Master’s degree – Most states require counselors to have a master’s degree in a field related to counseling, with the most popular option being psychology. Psychology is the study of human behavior and the emotions that drive it, and it’s incredibly valuable for counselors to have an academic understanding of why people think, act and react the way they do. Other common master’s degrees for counselors include social work, education, and mental health counseling. While psychology is a favored all-rounder, it’s important to consider a prospective counselor’s specialty and how their degree fits into it. For example, it makes sense for a school counselor to have a master’s in education.

2. Professional counselor licensure- All counselors must have a professional counselor license to demonstrate that they have met the minimum requirements for practicing as a counselor. Licenses are obtained from state boards and these requirements for licensing vary from state to state, covering both formal education and practical work experience. All states require counselors to pass the National Counselor Examination (NCE) or the National Clinical Mental Health Counselor Examination (NCMHCE) to achieve their license. It’s essential that counselors complete a minimum number of supervised experience hours to achieve their license, and this is typically between 2,000 and 3,000 hours. Some states have two levels of licensure, one for recent graduates still accumulating their supervision hours (known as associate counselors), and one for counselors who have completed their supervision hours and can practice independently (known as professional counselors). If you choose to see an associate counselor, you can rest assured that they will have the professional support of a more experienced counselor who will monitor their caseload and provide ongoing training.

3. Continuing education credits – In order for counselors to maintain their licensure, most states require them to earn continuing education credits on an annual or biennial basis. Some states stipulate that continuing education takes place on specific topics, with ethics being a common compulsory topic. Counselors may not necessarily attain formal qualifications when studying for their continuing education credits, but they might list their specialties which gives you an idea of where they have focused their continuing education.

Choose your counselor with care
Choosing the right counselor is key to getting the most out of counseling. Be sure to check that a prospective counselor has the appropriate qualifications and relevant experience before you begin seeing them.

Self-Care Tips for Parents of Special Needs Children

Self-Care Tips for Parents of Special Needs Children

Being the parent of a child with a disability carries with it unique responsibilities, stressors, and rewards. It requires an extra dose of emotional resilience, perseverance, and resourcefulness. Powered by the same (or an even stronger) drive to nurture, protect, and empower their children as parents of kids perceived as normatively abled, parents of children with physical, intellectual, or developmental disabilities such as autism spectrum issues, spina bifida, or Down syndrome often face profound social and systemic prejudices. These “invisible” obstacles can be all the more agonizing when they are unacknowledged.

The Global Partnership for Education notes “children with disabilities remain the most excluded group [when it comes to educational opportunities], discriminated not only because of their disability but also because of lack of understanding and knowledge about its causes, implications, and stigma.” Even parents seeking to support their child with attention-deficit hyperactivity (ADHD) or physical conditions such as blindness or mobility issues can find themselves overwhelmed by the challenges of getting proper testing or access to a restroom or play space. When a child’s disability dovetails with preexisting societal or cultural prejudices related to gender, race, religious affiliation, or sexual identity, the challenges intensify, with an impact on parents that peers, colleagues, and others may not fully comprehend or appreciate.

As parents of children with disabilities proactively seek information and support and advocate for their children, they may discover frustrating limitations that reinforce a sense of isolation or exclusion and stoke emotions such as grief or anger. As a result of these and other factors, parents seeking support for their special needs children have special needs of their own when it comes to self-care.

Sleep for Your Child with Special Needs – Why It’s Crucial and How to Get More of It!

Sleep for Your Child with Special Needs – Why It’s Crucial and How to Get More of It!

posted on parentingwithspecialneeds.org

Sleep is something that many children struggle with, but for children with special needs it can be an even bigger challenge. There are already so many things that need to be prioritized for your child (therapy schedules, doctors appointments, school schedules, to start), but here’s why helping your child get a few more zzz’s should be at the top of the list:

Sleep is crucial to brain growth and development

As important as it is to give your child lots of stimulation through therapy, sleep is a key factor for getting the best results! At night, your child’s brain is doing a ton of background work. In the deepest stages of sleep, the brain is moving all new information learned that day to “permanent storage”. Once it’s there, the brain goes through everything and keeps important information and throws out “junk” data. In the early morning, your child’s motor cortex is working overtime to make sure that gross motor skills are solidified. In addition, the brain is strengthening connections, nurturing new brain cells, and cleaning up. If the body has time to rest, the brain can become a well-oiled machine!

Sleep is vital for your child’s overall health

Kids that are differently abled get sick….a lot. But, children who sleep adequately can build up their defenses against colds, flus, etc. Studies have shown that sleep is crucial to improving immunity, and getting adequate sleep allows your body to produce the proteins needed to reduce inflammation and infection (see NCBI).

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"Dr. Liz is the best! Our family was directed to her by our Pediatrician to assist with figuring out severe mood changes, severe anxiety, strange new fears and food aversion that had come onto one of our children literally overnight. After just a couple of visits, she suggested that the issues may actually be rooted in a physical issue and suggested we immediately take our child to be swabbed for strep, because Dr. Liz suspected PANDAS (a pediatric autoimmune disorder brought on by strep). The same Pediatrician that suggested Dr. Liz would not do the swab (they do not believe in PANDAS and we no longer go there) but I took my child to my doctor who did the swab and it was positive for strep. When our child went on antibiotics, within 24 hours all symptoms went away and our child was back :-) Dr. Liz then recommended a PANDAS specialist who helped us and our child is in complete remission and is happy and healthy. We are incredibly grateful to Dr. Liz for her knowledge of all things, even the most remote and unusual and for helping us so much! Thank you!"
- Anonymous
"The various psycho-educational testing Dr. Liz conducted on our son gave us critical clues about where his learning strengths and weaknesses lie so that his needs could be better addressed at home and school. Moreover, because of their warm, kindhearted personalities, both Dr. Liz and her associate, Stephanie, formed an immediate bond with my son. He eagerly looks forward to his weekly therapy sessions. We are so lucky Dr. Liz came into our family's lives when she did! For stressed-out families trying to help their children as best they can, she is a calming voice of reason!"
- Anonymous
"Thank you, Dr. Liz. Although we have told you countless times, it will never feel enough. You have listened when J could barely speak and continued to listen when he was sad, angry and confused. You've challenged him and directed us in our roles as parents. You've helped J face his fears while the list evolved and changed, and yet you've stayed committed to 'the course.' We pray that your children realize that time away from them is spent helping children learn and that vulnerability is a sign of strength and bravery."
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"My son was admitted to an Ivy League school when only 2 years ago, you assessed him and saw his struggles, his Dyslexia. We are grateful that he no longer has to carry that deep feeling of inadequacy or shame that must have kept him so self conscious and from reaching his potential. He has the PERFECT program for him. He has A's in high math and economics. He became a Merit Scholar, a Boys State legislature, the HEAD captain of the football team and help a job ALL while studying and managing his classes and disability. I am PROUD of you, a young doctor, who knows and sees the vulnerability of children and helps them recognize "it's NO big deal" God bless."
- Anonymous

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