Psychological & Educational Consulting LLC
  • Home
  • Getting Started
  • Psycho-educational Testing
  • Executive Functioning Coaching
  • Autism
  • Parent Coaching
  • Therapy
  • Parent Advocacy and IEP Optimization
  • Published Articles & Blogs
  • Blog
  • Parent Resources
  • Workshops, Webinars, Webshows & Presentations
  • Radio Shows
  • Dr. Liz's Corner for Books, Apps, and Products
  • Books
  • Meet Dr. Liz
  • Meet Our Therapists
  • Testimonials
  • View Here: Presentations/Webinars/TV/ Web Shows
Follow us on:

Am I Bad? -Hyperactivity and Impulsivity Being Misread as Aggression

7/9/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Hyperactivity and impulsivity can be misread as aggression. Here are steps to take if your child has been called a bully.

When children with ADHD first come to see me, it is common for them to ask, “Am I bad?” It’s heartbreaking every time. Whether it is due to their hyperactivity or impulsivity, these kids sometimes take roughhousing too far and hurt others unintentionally. Although a child should always be held accountable for hurting another child, these kids aren’t usually reacting in anger; they’re offending by exuberance.
​

Telling a child that he is “lazy,” “aggressive,” or “a bully” doesn’t improve behavior. And if he hears it repeatedly, he comes to believe that it’s true. Eight-year-old Jake came to see me one week, dejected after he played “too hard” with his friend on the playground. He didn’t mean to be rough, but he got carried away. His impulsivity led to a serious punch to Joey’s shoulder. The teacher called in Jake’s parents and told them he was a bully. When Jake heard this, he wondered, “Am I really a bully?"

Learn About Self Control.
Of course, if a child frequently displays anger, parents should take steps to manage it. But if you believe that your child didn’t intend to lash out, move too fast, hug too hard, or knock someone over, lay off the labels. Instead, talk with the child about his good qualities and come up with a plan to improve his self-control.

Discuss the problem. 
Jake’s parents talked to him about roughhousing. They were specific about the rules at school and at home — no hitting, no kicking, no rough play, stop if a friend asks you to stop, and no mean words. (Children with ADHD also get called bullies when they say things they think are funny, but that friends find hurtful or irritating.)

Identify “hot spots.” 
Jake told his parents where and when he was most impulsive at school — standing in line, during recess, in the lunch room, and in PE class. They talked about these “hot spots” and became more aware of Jake’s challenges.


Limit potential triggers. 
Jake and his parents made a list of kids who did not get him too roused and stimulated. They limited his play dates to those kids, instead of scheduling one-on-one time with more challenging friends.

Brainstorm and test strategies for each hot spot. 
Jake made a list of ways to get control of his emotions. These included: walking away, taking a deep breath, staying close to the teachers, “freezing” like a statue for a second or two to reset his emotions, reading a book, and using positive “self talk.” Then he decided when each solution would be most effective.

> Jake often got frustrated at recess when he didn’t want to play the game his friends were playing. A few of them started taunting him for not wanting to play. Instead of getting angry or lashing out, he decided to use the “walking away” strategy. He found that, sometimes, he calmed down enough that he could circle back and participate in the games, even if it wasn’t the game he would have chosen.

> Jake tended to get excited during group work. He talked too loud, and classmates often thought he was angry. When this happened, Jake learned to take a deep breath or two before saying anything else. This helped calm him down.

> Jake noticed that he got the urge to push or touch classmates while they were waiting in line between classes and in the cafeteria. “Freezing” like a statue stopped Jake from jostling his classmates.

Jake’s classmates and teachers started to see him in a different light when he worked hard to control himself. They realized that he had not intended to be rough, but that his impulsivity often got the best of him. Jake came to realize that he wasn’t a “bad” child, he just lost control of his behavior. He worked at changing because he wanted his friends to feel safe around him.

Click Here to Read More From ADDitudeMag.com!
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Subscribe to our mailing list

    * indicates required

    Dr. Liz Matheis

    Dr Liz Matheis and her team specialize in assisting children and their families with Anxiety, Autism, AD/HD, Learning Disabilities and Behavioral Struggles  

    Archives

    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    Categories

    All
    Academic Strategies
    AD/HD
    Anxiety
    Autism Spectrum Disorders
    Back To School
    Bullying
    DSM-V Revised Definition Of Autism
    IEPs
    Parenting
    School
    Should I Tell My Child That He/she Has Autism?
    Special Needs

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly